My Facebook page and private group (a support group for all my clients and book readers) are often stirred with endless debates and controvery surrounding "friends with benefits" arrangement or FWB. It is such a hot-button issue for many women so understandably most women hold a preconceived notion of what it is and speak against it.
Many think FWB is just a booty call arrangement and it's all about sex that doesn't benefit women in the slightest. Men, on the other hand, are the ones benefit the most out of this arrangement.
Is that so?
That very much depends. Not every woman wants a relationship and not every woman wants a relationship with the guy(s) she sleeps or has slept with, just like not every guy does! Shocking, isn't it?
Then what usually follows is the arguments which I call the "Oxytocin Myth" that women will willy-nilly fall in love or bond with every guy they have sex with because of Oxytocin (the "cuddle" hormone released by men and women during sex and orgasm, mainly, as well as physical closeness such as cuddling, kissing and hugging).
Oxytocin indeed bonds women to their partners and babies as oxytocin is also released during breastfeeding but ... here's the catch: that doesn't mean every woman will act like a psycho and can't control how deep their feelings are for the guys. We still have control upon our own emotions. We still have freedom to choose our response.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Emotionally healthy people are not really at the mercy of a naturally released chemical. And ... unless a woman really likes a guy to begin with, oxytocin won't bond her to him. Keep reading ...
More friends with benefits advice from YourTango:
- What Do Men Think About Friends With Benefits?
- Going From Friends With Benefits To Boyfriend
- In Memoriam: The Best Love Advice From 'Dear Abby'
You might ask what business does she have having sex with guys she's not really into? Well, folks, it all comes down to values. Some women choose to be in an arrangement of some kind when they are not in relationship so their sexual needs are taken care of. Can you blame them for that?
Right, to each their own.
Bonding or pining?