The number of women out-earning their men is growing and some predict by 2030 most women will be more financially successful than their partners. While this may sound like the best possible outcome to women’s libbers from thirty years ago, the truth is that success dissolves your sex life more times than not. Help! I Have A Boring Sex Life
In a recent New York Times online News and Features column, Alpha Women, Beta Men Ralph Gardner Jr., wrote about several mega earning women and the sorry lack of sexual intimacy in the growing number of financially lopsided relationships.
Here are the actual comments from the women he interviewed:
- Sexuality is based on respect, admiration and desire. If you've lost respect for somebody, it's very hard to have it work. Our relationship initially had been very sexual at the expense of other things. Your Ex Wants Sex...Is A Booty Call Ever Ok?
- The minute it becomes parental, it becomes asexual. A friend of mine who works and makes money and whose husband doesn't told me one day that he was taking tennis lessons that cost a hundred dollars an hour. She said to him, 'You are not in the hundred dollars an hour category.' She had to spell it out for him. It was totally parental.
- It was the artist thing I thought I was getting. Sexy was part of it. There was a huge physical thing. I'm not the kind of person to be attracted to a lawyer. Maybe next time I will be.
- When you’re a big money earner and your husband isn’t, it makes you question how feminine you are. I felt I was less feminine than if I was a supporting wife.
- Mark was the best sex I ever had. But that was long ago. Now, we fight instead. We're embroiled in some weird combat. It's like Lysistrata. I tell him, 'Your business is going to have to get better faster. Until then, I'm withholding.' Do You Need To Eject Your Ex...For Good?
Sobering. Yet, does a woman have to give up the hopes of a hot sex life just because she is an over achiever and financially the better off half of the couple? According to Bernard Prieur, a psychoanalyst and author of "Money in Couples," men who earn less than their partners struggle with two insecurities. Prieur explains that they feel socially and personally vulnerable. Socially, they go against millennia of beliefs and stereotypes that see them as the breadwinner. The success of their partner also often gives them a feeling of personal failure.