"Chemistry" Can Be Ruining Your Chances
Does it seem like everyone else has found a man but you? A question I hear often (and one I’ve known to ask in the past) is "Where Can I Find A Good Man?" Some women want to blame their geographic location or another ethnicity or body type for the scarcity in their lives. No, no, no…
The truth is, men are everywhere! Good ones are out there … for you. This isn’t a theory, it’s a fact. How else would you explain the phenomenon of great guys getting snatched up right in front of your face? The key to finding your guy starts with you being in the right state of mind and knowing how to move on. Think about it this way: You’ve been surround by quality men this entire time, it is you, who isn’t ready to be with one. Don’t worry, you can change this.
But first, let me tell you about Mike. I knew Mike back in college and he was talented, smart, handsome, and ambitious. Very pleasant, genuine guy, a gentleman actually, not a player or douche-like at all. We crossed paths various times since we graduated. One of those times, Mike told me that he had a crush on me back when we were in school and asked me out on a date. I was flattered and we went out. Nothing bad happened on our date, I just wasn’t present. I was so used to dating jerks who disrespected me that I literally found this guy boring and I wrote him off, chalking it up to 'lack of chemistry.'
Yes, sometimes, you just don’t have chemistry with someone but now that I look back, Mike was so perfect for me. We had a lot of the same interests, had a fun sense of humor, he was physically attractive and came from an adorable loving family. He also treated me like a princess. So what was wrong with me?
When you carry around anxiety, hurt from your past and self-doubt, how are you going to make a sound decision when it comes to love? You cannot. If you don’t deal with those issues, you will continue to attract men with that same vibration. It’s like you’re dating the same dude over and over again. Your insecurities are attracting theirs and when you come together, it creates a toxic relationship.
But you deserve a guy who gives you butterflies and respects the heck out of you. Maintaining the "I’ve been hurt so many times" state-of-mind keeps the nice, handsome, balanced guys away. Oh, they are still there, around you all the time but it’s like you just can’t see them. When something is broken inside, humans naturally HAVE to fix something. Here is where it gets weird: We try to fix someone else rather than ourselves because (fixing yourself could involve more pain).
You kind of think in the back of your mind that you can turn the bad boy into the ideal man. I know that I personally preferred "potential" over reality. A balanced man will make you feel like you don’t deserve him—not on purpose but because he’s … well awesome. At this point you have two choices: Turn away completely or finally begin to work on yourself.
The fear of digging deep and getting those issues in check is far worse than the act itself. The FEAR is what keeps you alone, in a permanent booty call or mistress role, or just plain attached to a guy who sucks the life out of you. So the playboy douche and the insecure chick with daddy issues really are two people with the same problem going about fixing it the wrong way. The good news is, the moment you decide to think and perceive in a different way, everything begins to change.
When you are in a state of being comfortable and loving of who you are, you can determine the difference between true lack-of-chemistry chemistry and self-sabotage. You trust your instincts more because you have a deeper respect for yourself. Your gut will tell you the difference between a truly sweet guy and a fake because if you’re genuine, you can sense that in someone else. It’s like a fog has been cleared and you can appreciate just how sexy those good guy qualities are. You get turned on by the way he treats you. You start to have more interest in who he is as a person and you can connect on a deeper more comfortable level because you finally feel like yourself.
Haven’t you had a buddy who dated a guy who was obviously the biggest turd on the planet? She asks what you think about him and she constantly has to convince herself that the relationship is working? Everyone can see it but her. The truth is, she kind of knows it too but she can’t trust herself because she doesn’t feel like herself. She feels broken so she continues to make decisions like these.
The number one way to get quality men to chase you is to take on the state-of-mind of a quality woman. The thoughts that you have about yourself really does affect the way you perceive others (in addition to the way they see you). Leaving the past behind, following your passions and celebrating your assets will help you become more authentic, balanced and feeling more adequate. So you wanna know where all the good men are? EVERYWHERE! Snagging the right man is like snagging success: It happens when preparation meets opportunity.
Aisha Amore is a coach and creator of Sexy Beast Project. Contact her for information about how to feel sexy, confident and powerful. Her new video How To Feel Like The Sexy Beast You Know You Are can be found here.