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As explained by a guy.
By Matthew Ameduri — Written on Jul 15, 2020
Ever have a guy friend who was super chill and easy to be around suddenly become some sort of distant enigma? Where one moment he’s acting like nothing’s changed and the next everything has?
Newsflash: chances are he’s caught feelings for you and isn't quite sure what to do about it.
Now, to be clear, you only have one perspective as his friend. There could be something going on behind the scenes that’s changed not only how he interacts with you, but also his entire approach to life.
But without a clear explanation for what’s happened, it’s safe to assume that this change is definitely motivated by something he feels like he can’t share. Ding! Feelings.
As a guy myself, I can tell you one sure-fire thing about when guys start feeling something special with someone else — they think about that person a lot when they’re not around. That thinking then snowballs into all their interactions with that person. They can’t so much as say hi without reckoning with their changed, perhaps more romantic opinion of them bleeding through in some way.
Thus, when this happens, we guys are bound to drop a bunch of subtle cues that, when coupled with each other, tell a pretty convincing story.
So here are a few signs he’s fighting his feelings for you:
1. He’s waiting a long time to text you back...
This one is a classic but evergreen. Every activity becomes this weird mind game for him. He’s not so much as treating you as a friend — he’s trying to reckon with his own feelings and how best to interact with you in light of them.
Sending a simple text message becomes a marathon as you consider what exactly is best to say. The consequence of this is that his texting slows down dramatically.
2. ...But he makes himself available when you're hanging out.
This is an important contradiction: while the guy may be straight-up distant when he’s not around, when he’s with you he’s not going to leave your side for a minute and signal he can stay around long after you’d expect him to.
Why? Because he’s still trying to figure out how he feels towards you. And the simplest way to figure this out is to spend more time with you.
3. He spends a lot of time interacting with you online.
If he’s thinking about you in his free time, it’s likely that he’s also drawn to your online presence. Pay attention to if there’s an uptick to how much he’s engaging with your Insta, for example. An increase in comments and DMs are a good sign that he’s looking for opportunities to broadly connect with you.
4. There’s an uptick in him asking for your opinion.
Another subtle but very telling sign. If your relationship with a guy has changed recently, where he’s begun to seek out your opinion more than previously, this means he’s come to value you and your relationship with him a ton more. He trusts your judgment for crucial decisions, and furthermore, is seeking out your opinion to better appeal his lifestyle to you.
If you suggest he do X over Y and he does X, what does that say about him and you?
5. He’s dropping open-ended answers all over the place.
This is similar to the point above — any questions you might ask about him gets ambiguous responses. Is he going to change jobs? He’s not sure. What about that issue with his roommate? He doesn’t know.
In every answer, he’s signaling uncertainty, not just because he’s not sure what to do, but also to signal his receptivity to any opinions or suggestions you might have. In other words, he’s encouraging you to exert some influence on his personal life.
Is that a hint or what?
6. He's noticeably awkward out of nowhere.
A super telling sign. If there’s a random burst of awkwardness — all of a sudden he can’t even look you in the eyes anymore or stumbles over simple words — it’s very likely he’s thinking about you while hanging out.
More specifically, he’s probably trying to put out of mind his feelings so that he’ll act normally around you. But as we all know, thinking about something you used to do without thinking typically leads to stumbles.
7. He surprises you.
This one can be a little misleading if not given enough context. Surprises really work when one person is genuinely surprised — they wouldn’t have anticipated what happened.
So this doesn’t mean that he turned up on your doorstep with a gift on your birthday. More like he washed your car when you said in passing your windscreen is filthy but you’re too busy this weekend to get it cleaned.
Acts of devotion like that with no warning are extremely indicative of not just him thinking of you on his own time, but also his desire to do some good for you. His feelings have put you in a positive light, after all.
8. He tries to be physically close to you.
Sorta like a puppy, honestly. It’s super silly and simple but a ton of guys do it.
Body language is for the most part too ambiguous but a clear sign of feelings is where he’s choosing to sit, and if the spot he always picks is next to you. This is true not only at group events but even if you’re catching up one-on-one. Positioning yourself says a lot about how emotionally close and secure you feel with another person.
9. He’s showing massive FOMO — but only for the things you're doing.
This sign can be the hardest to figure out on your own. But when guys catch feelings for one special person they really beat themselves up for not taking every opportunity to hang with them.
Beyond trying to figure out if you and him are a good fit, if he’s entertaining the thought of liking you at all, it’s likely they really like spending time with you. So whenever he’s not around you, it kills him.
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Matthew Ameduri is a writer who covers astrology, pop culture, and relationship topics.