The dick jokes on this weather station's Facebook post are the best thing on the internet today.
As a former Floridian whose firstborn child was born in West Palm Beach, I am well aware that tropical storms and hurricanes are no laughing matter.
So I cannot stop myself from laughing out loud (I mean, literally LOL'ing over here) over the comments on Jacksonville station WJXT4's Facebook post announcing a Tropical Storm Watch along Florida's west coast yesterday in anticipation of what is expected to become Hurricane Hermine any moment now.
Why on Earth would such a scary report incite a string of hysterical comments, you ask?
Take a look at the announcement itself:
I may have the sense of humor of a 12-year-old boy, but I am hardly alone in my instant recognition that the unfortunate pink illustration of Hermine-to-be's storm pattern looks somewhat, um ... phallic.
Sort of penis-like.
A bit weiner-esque.
Including a fully defined head, shaft, and scrotum, of course.
One of my favorite characteristics of Florida is the laid back nature of the people who live there year round.
I mean, honestly, how could you survive the storms, gators and constant filming of Cops if not for a wickedly sharp sense of humor?
So it should be no surprise that the comments on this post are some of the most hi-larious that Facebook may have seen yet!
But you don't need to take my pleasantly-sunny-in-California-now word for it.
Take a look yourself at Florida's best dick jokes about Hurricane Hermine:
1. "I'm no weather man but you can expect a few inches tonight."
2. "My ex lives right there at the tip. Coincidence? I think not. #dickhead
3. "Should we consult someone if it lasts for more than 4 hours?"
4. "At least you don't have to worry about the storm going in dry."
5. "Is that a tropical storm or are you just happy to see me."
6. "You know why it's always men who are forecasters? Cause they lie about how many inches your gonna get."
7. "Hope this doesn't hit the navy base, there will be seamen spread everywhere."
8. "Totally my thought ... Hurricane Johnson?"
9. "Northeast Florida is getting the shaft."
10. "I feel like this storms gonna be a bit of a dick."
11. "Residents need to be prepared and have their safe word in place now."
12. "Florida, why can't you ever be normal? This is why we can't have nice things."
13. "Hey bro make sure y'all are prepared for this beast of a storm. It's gonna dump all over us tonight I think. They say it's cumming fast and will be really wet. Just wanted to give y'all the heads up."
14. "You know, if a man drew this, the length and width of the coverage area is probably a little over estimated. I would say this storm may only bring a light drizzle and not the hard, wet, pounding one would expect from a storm that size ..."
15. "Welcome to 2016, you all just assumed the gender of this tropical storm due to the name ... Then she whipped out a dick that was bigger than yours."
16. "After seeing this weather pic, hoes gonna be out in the rain like ... lmao."
17. "Weathermen are classifying Hermine as a category 9 storm! Stating "it's not about size, but the motion ... in the ocean." Data suggests this to be the deadliest storm to cum to North Florida since ... forever. Seamen are warned to stay inside. We'll have more news for you as more data erupts. Back to you Hairy."
18. "This shows the truth of a hurricane. It's just like a marriage. At first there's a lot of sucking and blowing and before you know it your house is gone!"
19. "The storm is blowing hard now, but will be penetrating land deeply, before petering out."
20. "Looks like this storm is really gonna penetrate."
And not to be out done by all of the fun, one Florida Facebook friend perfectly summed up this joyful shared moment in the eye of this raging boner of a storm ...
Stay close to your tubs, and keep your storm shutters erect Florida friends.
Even once Hermine passes you by — as he/she most certainly will, you never know what that pervy Mother Nature may have in store for you next ...