We could all use a little ego boost.
If you're feeling awkward and unsure of yourself in bed, you aren't alone. A lot of us lack confidence in a serious way, and that can be a major factor in our ability to have some fun between the sheets.
Angie Rowntree, founder and producer of the Porn For Women site Sssh.com, says that although building confidence in bed is far more of a psychological process than simply finding the "right positions," a few sex positions, locations and the introduction of sex toys can really assist in taking charge.
"One great way to build sexual confidence is to have sex just about anywhere that isn't in a bed. Sex in the shower. Sex in the kitchen. Sex on the beach. Sex in the backyard. Sex on the roof. By experimenting with alternative locations for love-making, this creates a 'disconnect' for any ingrained confidence issues you may have associated with sex in the bedroom," says Rowntree.
Rowntree also advises bringing sex toys into the mix.
"To gain some confidence, something as simple as a little vibrator can help out as it shifts part of the focus away from you. The side benefit of this is when your partner uses it on your clit, it will greatly increase the chances of having a toe-curling orgasm," she continues.
Here are a few sex positions to help you truly enjoy sex without being self-conscious.
1. Sex with yourself
Insecurity may also come from a lack of understanding about what feels good to you.
"Spend a little quality time with yourself to explore what turns you on and brings you to climax. That may include self-touching or experimenting with sex toys by yourself and then passing this info along to your lover as to your hot spots," says Rowntree.
2. Take a bath together
Before having sex, take a hot bath with your lover. You may even find that having sex while in the bathtub makes things hot.
"This will get you relaxed and ready for play, and also has both of you with sensitized skin, which increases both partners' yummy responses during foreplay," says Rowntree.
You might think this position feels too exposed, especially if you feel less-than-confident about your breasts or tummy.
"But men are such visual creatures that your lover will be thrilled to get an eyeful of your naked body, on top and in control, rhythmically riding him for your own pleasure. Choose not to focus on what's jiggling, and instead, boost your confidence by commanding his total attention. Make eye contact, caress your breasts and C-spot, and lose yourself in the pleasure," says sex expert Dana Myers.
He's in complete control of your body, and you love to be dominated. Plus, it's a great way to let go of your insecurities when you have someone on top of you.
"He sees your tummy flatten against the bed. He feels your thighs squeeze his sides. He kisses your face, your wrinkles and lines fading back and being erased by your ecstatic expressions. He hears you moan. He wraps his fingers in your sexy hair. You can completely and totally let go, drop your guard and be open," says Laurel House, sex expert and star of E!'s Famously Single.
Being on top will help to build your confidence because you control the pace, rhythm, depth and movements to please both yourself and your partner.
"Giving your partner a rear view can be super-hot. I had a friend in the 90s who said 'everyone is Pamela Anderson from behind.' And though the reference is dated, many women find that they overcome their fear of being on top by simply turning to face their partner's feet," says sexologist Dr. Jess.
6. Girl on Top
"Going on top is a great way to gain confidence in bed because it'll be a turn on for both of you. You'll feel sexy and in control, and the person watching you gets a full view of your beautiful body. The reality is that we don't always feel comfortable in our skin, especially after our bodies change; but our sexual partners aren't scrutinizing as we are. Confidence is the biggest turn on," says Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and author of Cheat On Your Husband (With Your Husband).
7. Porn Star
All photos: weheartit
Sometimes, the key to feeling more confident is to experience the unknown. Take some time to watch porn and see what else is out there. Some of it may turn you off, and some may turn you on. Either way, you'll get a greater idea of what you want and don't want to try, and that will make you feel more confident.