This one goes out to the guys trolling the comment sections.
If you browse social media sites like Facebook and eavesdrop on the comment section of pages that post articles related to dating and relationships, you will find an overwhelming amount of jaded men (and women) leaving comments about how all women typically want is, and I quote: “Money, orgasms, and to laugh. But they will usually be happy with two of those things.”
The cynicism permeating today’s society is overwhelming.
While all of these are nice, that’s certainly not enough to hold a relationship together or to actually fulfill someone as a person. There are plenty of other misconceptions about what women want on the surface, but I think it’s important to dig deeper into what these things actually mean.
So, what do men think women want, and what is the reality behind it?
You don’t have to look far to find a man who thinks all women are interested in is money. But I have always had a theory about this.
As we know, the physical object of the green paper that is money is useless by itself. You can’t drive green paper or live in it, it’s a matter of what you do with it. A car, a house, or a boat is much more attractive than someone who is say, a drug addict or an alcoholic, though both of them might be equally wealthy. So what does the idea of women wanting money really mean?
Of course I understand that gold diggers exist, but when it comes to women looking for a teammate in life, they want someone who is ambitious. Who is driven. Who knows what he wants and goes after it. A man who has goals and dreams and will understand her passion for success in life. A man who can provide for her even if she can do it for herself.
There is a security in financial stability that only comes from being “comfortable.” Arguments about money are one of the leading causes of divorce, so it’s natural to want to avoid this. Men who display the qualities in the paragraph above typically have money as a result of their efforts and how they choose to live their life. That is what the desire is for.
2. To laugh
When it comes to keeping a woman’s attention, manners are important, good looks are a bonus, but humor is a must. Why? Because humor improves life in many ways.
Psychologically, humor relates to being intelligent and actually helps predict mating success, especially in males. So yes, while women (like everyone else on the planet) likes to laugh, there is a deeper meaning behind it.
Humor can brighten our day and make us smile when we need it most. It makes people comfortable and helps to bring them together. It keeps the mood light and happy rather than someone who is serious all of the time. It is attractive in men and women alike. So if you’ve ever wondered why women are attracted to funny men, there you have it.
If you’re going to make a statement like I quoted in the first paragraph, then you can expect it to be pulled apart a little bit. We are all adults here and should be able to discuss this comfortably – pretty much all of us can give ourselves orgasms if we really wanted to, yes? So as a shallow desire in a relationship, it doesn’t really fly. There is clearly more to it than that.
No (happy, healthy) relationship can be held together by sex itself. Then, what does it signify? What does it mean? It means there is a physical and emotional intimacy between partners. It means that the man pays attention to the woman’s needs and enjoys keeping her satisfied. It means they are physically healthy and enjoy being together. It means there is a connection and intensity that would not be present if the relationship didn’t exist.
There is a difference between the result and what causes the result, and both should be identified.
Some men think they can buy a woman’s love by showering her with gifts. Not only is this implying that she can literally be bought, which is insulting, it’s also entirely missing the point of giving a gift to someone you love.
Gifts in relationships are increasingly being seen as an apology or a way to make up for a shortcoming of some sort. I put a photo on Facebook once of a man carrying a massive bouquet of roses. I mean, huge. It was hoisted over his shoulder. My caption under it was something romantic, but many people commented wondering what he had done wrong or was apologizing for. This is kind of sad to me.
Gift giving is supposed to be thoughtful. It is when you see something small in your daily travels that reminds you of the person you love and you pick it up for them. It shows that you are willing to put in effort for somebody, just because. To say women want to be showered with gifts is to make them sound more materialistic than they are and to miss the point of what a certain gift will symbolize — your love for her.
5. Men Who Don't Treat Them Right
Perhaps the worst myth about what women want perpetuated by society is that they actually desire to be mistreated. For an endless amount of reasons, this is ridiculous.
Men think women always fall for jerks, when in reality these types of men likely exhibit qualities of strength or dominance that could be shared with, for lack of a better term, an “alpha male.” Often times the mistreatment and negativity don’t show themselves until she is already committed and a cycle begins that is far too involved for this article.
The fact of the matter is that women, like all of us, want to be loved, cared for, and respected. They want to be listened to and trusted. Don’t let women who find themselves in negative situations govern your outlook on what everyone is looking for.
The right woman doesn’t want your car, your money, or gifts. She wants your time, your effort, your honesty, your loyalty, and your respect.
This article originally appeared on James M. Sama's blog, and is reprinted in partnership with The Good Men Project.
This article was originally published at The Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.