Why It Doesn't Matter How Much Sex You're Having With Your Partner

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man and woman kissing in bed

Ahh, sex. The thing that binds couples together, and sometimes tears couples apart.

The age-old question of “how much sex should you be having?” has haunted the thoughts of lovers who have been pondering the satiety of their bed buddies each and every night.

To tame your curiosity, you read these articles online telling you how often you should be “putting out” in order to keep your man or woman around, or else they’ll get bored and find a different outlet for their frustration.

Well folks, here’s what I have to say to that.

It’s 100% completely up to you how much you want someone engaging with the most private parts of yourself, and that’s that.

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To feel pressured into an unwilling invasion of the body in order to keep your partner satisfied is an unhealthy red-flag and should be addressed ASAP.

You want to know how much sex you should be having? As much as you’re comfortable with.

A healthy sex life is one where both parties feel fulfilled and comfortable with every aspect of the relationship, sex-related or not.

If things aren’t peachy keen outside of the bedroom, you may not be having as much fun between the sheets, and sex may become more of a chore than the fun bonding experience it should be.

If things aren’t seeming as passionate, steamy, or fun as they should be, don’t keep going just because you think you have to, but instead start a dialogue with your partner and figure out what’s going on and what either of you can do to make things better.

The more in tune you are with each other, the more you’ll want to be getting it on.

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If you are, in fact, on the same page with each other, you won’t feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do. Sometimes people get this mentality that if they’ve been having sex all this time, it doesn’t matter if they’re “not feeling it.”

Let me tell you something: you are in control of your body, and nothing is sexier than a man or woman who can respect that.

Consent is still a thing, no matter how many times you've had sex with someone.

You want to have sex with your beau into next week every single night/morning/afternoon/lunch-break? Amen! Have at it, my friend.

You want to slow it down and give yourself some privacy every once in a while and exercise your right to dictate your own body? That’s totally your call and no one can tell you otherwise.

You should be having sex to be closer to your partner, and have fun and enjoy each other in the most intimate way, not to be fulfilling your “duty” to keep him/her satisfied.

You should be satisfying each other mutually and willingly, and there’s no quota determining how often you need to do the dirty in order to fulfill it.

So, experiment! Be sexy! Get closer! Have fun! As long as you’re happy and comfortable, the world of sex is your oyster.

Don’t let anyone tell you what you have to do, and you’ll enjoy every ounce of what you want to do.

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Unwritten is a website for millennials written and run by millennials. We’re committed to giving Generation-Y the discussion they need, whether it be a source of news, a much needed laugh, a comforting shoulder to cry on, or a place to have their own stories heard.

This article was originally published at Unwritten. Reprinted with permission from the author.