Dating Coach Reveals The Real Reason You Sleep With Men Who Are Jerks

A quality man will take the time to get to know you.

Annoyed with self, after sleeping with him even though he is a jerk Pau Villanueva, Yogendra Singh | Canva

Being intimate with a jerk is discouraging. It can ruin your faith in men. Yet, many men aren't jerks, so some self-reflection might be needed. Let's begin with the guy. A guy can start by being charming and coming on strong, so you think, "Let's take this to the next step." But just as quickly as he poured on the charm, he turns into a jerk and ghosts you. He won't reply to your texts, answer your call, or communicate at all. Then, you ask, "Why did I sleep with him?" Wait, don't throw in the towel and give up, there is more to unpack here.


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Here are the 3 real reasons you slept with him even though he's a jerk:

1. You didn't know him

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but you didn't take the time to get to know him despite the initial attraction. People we don't know seem exciting and mysterious because it allows us to project our ideal fantasy on them. Time makes people real. Without it, we're left with a mirage.

If you feel a guy is coming on too fast, there's a reason. He's in a hurry because you're about to experience a hit-and-run. Men who are serious about you are not in a hurry to have sex with you. They will take the time to get to know you first.


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2. Sex gives you a false sense of intimacy

Fast sex often takes getting to know someone off the table. It gives you a false sense of intimacy and connection. Courtship and friendship are built before the first lay. When men beg for sex, they know they haven't earned it. Then they leave and resent you after they get it.

So many men are always way ahead of themselves. They meet you one day and suddenly think they're ready to take you on a trip to Hawaii for a week. It's the same with sex. Many men think they're ready for it, but they're not. They certainly won't turn down free sex, but the truth is, they can't handle it maturely.


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3. It was easy 

When a man hasn't invested time and energy into courting you, there's nothing for him to connect to in the morning. Instant sex at night leads to instant disappearing in the morning. Certain men only value the women they've spent the time to get to know. Otherwise, it's easy come, easy go.

Men need courtship even more than you do. It's during courtship that a man becomes inspired. Your requirements allow him to build with you. When you put this piece into play, the jerks will disappear long before you have sex, and a quality man will take the time to get to know you before they make love to you.


Sly woman knows why she slept with a jerk Andrii Iemelianenko via Shutterstock

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James Allen Hanrahan is a dating and relationship coach for women based in Los Angeles. He's also the author of "A Life of Love" and "Dating Advice for Alpha Women."