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Speak kindly to yourself and you'll speak kindly to others.
By Susan Pazak — Written on Feb 05, 2023
The words we use have a tremendous impact on how we cope with all of life’s situations and circumstances.
They are very powerful and can help us have success or failure in life. They can diffuse or escalate conflict.
They can build people up or tear people down. We can use our words to be understood or fight and argue with others.
Words can be powerful not only when speaking to others but how we speak to ourselves.
Accessing that power starts with changing our words, our thoughts and our actions.
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Be mindful of the words you choose — with others and yourself
All day every day we have thoughts and an internal voice that can be peaceful, powerful, and uplifting and allow us to make effective choices — or we can use our own words to be loathing and self-critical.
The latter leads to mental and physical health problems and broken, volatile relationships with others.
If you change the way you speak and think you will change the way that you feel and your perspective on any situation, especially your relationship with yourself.
Speak to yourself with loving kindness and that is how you will speak to others.
Use your words to respond rather than react. Your mood, energy levels and outlook on life will improve and you will experience joy, peace, hope and happiness.
Be willing to put in the effort to change
Shifting out of negative thought patterns takes a consistent, persistent effort, we can start with our words. It means choosing every day to be present for these 16 hours that we are awake.
By learning ways to simplify each moment of the day, we will simplify our lives and enjoy the journey. The mind is where we shift and battle and the weapon is our words.
As we change our words and reactions, we change our thoughts and perspectives and choose our battles much more wisely.
This leads to peace and simplifies our life by managing distortion and overthinking.
Here are five examples of how to speak to yourself in a kinder, gentler way
1. Change 'I can’t' to 'I can'
Knowing what we can do lifts our spirits. I can’t statements defeat us.
Focusing and saying out loud what you can do instead of what you can’t do will allow us to focus on our strengths rather than our weaknesses or lack.
These words bring peace, joy and happiness.
2. Change 'I have failed' to 'I have succeeded'
Talking about our failures to ourselves and other people is discouraging and disappointing.
We have more successes in life than failures. We tend to emphasize our failures more heavily than our successes.
When I talk to people focused on life’s disappointments I usually hear “yeah but” — which minimizes the successes and emphasizes the failures.
Speak success and watch your light shine.
3. Change 'I am not' to 'I am'
Every day wake up saying "I am" statements to the positive.
To do this, you simply state what you desire to be or accomplish.
Statements such as I am peaceful, I am powerful, I am happy, I am content, I am kind, I am loving are very effective and allow us to believe all the strengths that we have and desire.
"I am" statements make us smile and allow us to appreciate and value who we are and the purpose we serve.
4. Change 'I hate' to 'I love'
Eliminating the word hate from your vocabulary allows us to put things in perspective.
Hate is a very strong word that is used too often. Hate triggers heavy, limiting emotions that often lead to negative behaviors.
Hate disrupts our peace and steals our joy. It is wise to focus on what we love rather than what we hate.
Emphasizing what we love, like and admire is an instant mood lifter.
5. Change 'I won’t' to 'I will'
Do your part every day by stating what you will do instead of what you won’t do.
State desires and dreams as I will achieve and attain them instead of fearing what will not come to pass.
Say, I will find my ideal mate, I will work my dream job, I will have all that my heart desires.
These words energize our spirit and excite us to be able to see opportunities to move closer to our desired outcomes in life every day.
Here's a challenge.
For the next 30 days make a commitment to yourself to be aware of the words that you speak and keep a journal.
Apply the changes above and watch your mood shift and your perspective change. You may also find that the way you speak to others changes, too.
Chances are, you will experience peaceful energy in your spirit that will lead to more joy and contentment in your daily life.
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Dr. Susan Pazak is a clinical psychologist and life coach who provides elite concierge coaching services from a psychological perspective. She is the author of the book, Simplify: Powerful Words For Life’s Complicated Situations.