Women Who Turn Into Crabby Old Ladies Usually Complain About 8 Things Nonstop
Anatoliy Karlyuk | Shutterstock I was called out recently by a woman my age who said something like “When old crones like us start bashing youth…” And it terrified me. The last thing I want to do is sound like an old crone, a crabby old lady, or a hag. But it creeps up on you. One day, everyone is assuming you’re ten years younger than you are, and you’re able to relate to everyone from teens to 40-somethings, and then poof! It’s gone.
You find yourself fighting to cover your grays, annoyed that you can’t keep up with technology, using every possible lotion to battle crepe-y skin, and irritated by anyone under 35. It stinks. So to make a concerted effort at not becoming my mother, I’ve compiled a short list of things I try not to do, and suggest you do the same. Otherwise, you will be labeled as “that crabby old lady who lives with cats.”
Women who turn into crabby old ladies usually complain about these things:
1. Other generations
I’m Gen-X. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were latchkey, hose-drinking, Marlboro-smoking, roller-skating, feral children. My Boomer sister came out at 16 and moved in with her 25-year-old girlfriend. No one got arrested.
Our Greatest Generation parents didn’t have television, walked 10 miles to school, and used a phone on a pole. Big deal. They also went through some hefty wars and didn’t boast or whine about it. They just lived it.
Leave your “I remember when we could…” stories on the same shelf with those “Kids these days…” stories. Or you’ll instantly be described as a disgruntled grandma.
2. Menopause
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“You think you have insomnia? Girl, I haven’t slept in 6 months.”
“Well, my husband refuses to sleep with me because he’s tired of my sheet-soaking night sweats.”
Okay. You win. Share and inform. We all appreciate that and wish we had this much information 10 years ago, but don’t let it be the consistent main topic at your party.
Women have been losing their eggs for hundreds of years. It isn’t new, and most people, especially men, don’t want to know the gory details, no matter how hard they pretend to. We get it; it stinks.
3. Aches and pains
You can act as young as you want, but the truth is, your body and its cells are still aging. You’ll wake up not able to move your neck and not know why. You’ll sneeze and throw your back out. You might even have a bonus “pee dribble” that accompanies that sneeze. But don’t let this define you.
If you have a serious health condition, take care of it, but if you’re just plain old aging, don’t get caught up in the whirlwind of “I can’ts” or listen to all of those “You shouldn’t do that at your age,” comments. They’ll anger and suck the life right out of your dry and brittle old bones.
Read the room and decide how bad that twinge is. Is it Ibuprofen bad or 911 bad?
Rest up, do some daily yoga, meditate, and strength train. Even if you’re lifting soup cans, it all helps. You’ll either stop being mad at the young people running circles around you, or you’ll be able to join them.
4. Getting dressed
No one likes a slob. Looking like a dirty mop when you walk out the door is a quick way to hag status. A pajama day is fine, just don’t live in them unless you’re three or having a random bad day.
My mom, God bless her, dressed like a queen as long as her Alzheimer’s allowed. Even when she was mixing up her clothes and makeup, her goal was to look her best because it had always been her identity. And until she set foot in assisted living the last year of her life, she looked amazing.
If you look miserable, people will think you’re miserable and treat you miserably. That in itself will give you the appearance of a crabby old lady. So, pull yourself together more days than not because you deserve to look and feel good about yourself. Radiate goodness and joy.
5. Gray hairs
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Either let it all go gray or stay on a steady schedule of coloring your roots. There’s no in between. The skunk stripe screams, “I don’t care about myself.” It’ll either attract whispers and sympathy or repel everyone because they think you’re unstable or depressed. Or both.
6. Modern music
Stop pretending that the music of your youth is the best music ever made and that today’s music is all junk. My grandparents didn’t know what to think when my parents were freaking out over Elvis. My parents weren’t really sure what to think of me listening to Prince, and got concerned when I got a Metallica tattoo.
I get mad when people my age (over 50) spew about how all the music today stinks. It doesn’t. Chances are, your Spotify suggestions are all from three decades ago, so you don’t really give current-day music a chance. And bashing an entire generation's music is the best way to annoy an entire group of people off (Case in point, the 2026 Super Bowl) and solidify your crab status.
7. Nobody taking your advice
Recently, I’ve been within earshot of two different scenarios where a 50+ something was wound up because a 20-something wasn’t taking their sound advice. News flash — We didn’t, and they never will. Give the advice, say a prayer, and as Mel Robbins says, “Let Them.” That’s how they learn and how you will stop sounding like an overbearing meanie.
8. Getting older
Don't be a crabby old lady. Much of this comes down to confidence, strength, and self-esteem. The reality is that aging sucks. Anyone telling you how amazing it is is a big fat liar. I don’t know anyone in their 20s screaming, “I can’t wait to hit menopause! It’ll be so much fun!”
In my opinion, we look in the mirror one day and think, “What the?” and it blindsides us. It makes it easier to judge younger people, especially women, and forget that we, too, were once young, hot, and in my case, the first generation to wear the half-shirt now known as the crop top.
But we should let them be themselves and find a way to enjoy where we are right now. Because eventually, in the blink of an eye, they’ll be the ones reading an article about how not to become a crabby old lady.
Kristen Crisp is the founder of Not Even Wine With Dinner. A community/mission for those looking for peer support with sobriety, self-esteem, mental health, aging, and all the things that come with being human. She is also a frequent writer on Medium under the handle @notevenwinewithdinner.
