Women Who Let Others Treat Them Like Doormats Usually Have These 11 Sad Reasons
morrowlight | Shutterstock In life, you'll meet people who clearly carry the weight of being treated badly by others for far too long. Few experiences show up as clearly as they do in women who tend to act like human doormats for everyone around them.
Nobody starts that way. In many cases, women who let others treat them like doormats usually have deeper reasons behind their behavior, and these experiences shape how someone responds to conflict and respect. Speaking as someone who's been there and is currently healing, let me explain what makes women act this way.
Women who let others treat them like doormats usually have these 11 sad reasons:
1. They may have grown up with narcissistic or enmeshed mothers
Ooh, this is a big reason why we behave like doormats around other women. Many women who struggle to maintain their boundaries tend to be the offspring of moms who were totally enmeshed with them as children.
Enmeshment is a form of codependent abuse that has people treat their partners or children as an extension of themselves. Kids who grew up with enmeshed moms were often punished for speaking their minds or trying to enforce boundaries. As a result, they get a little panicky when they should stand up for themselves.
2. Standing up for themselves often led to punishment
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We've all been told to stand up for ourselves. We've all been told how good it is, but sometimes, that's not what happens. Many women who have tried to speak up about the abuse or maltreatment they faced often get punished rather than rewarded.
This often happens when women are outnumbered by people who may dismiss their experiences or side with the person causing harm. Research spotlighted in Y Magazine found that women are significantly less likely to speak up in group settings when they're the minority, especially when disagreement could lead to social pushback. If it happens too often, some women just decide to forgo talking altogether.
3. They were repeatedly gaslit by people around them
If there was one type of abuse that became widely discussed online, it's gaslighting. Gaslighting is an abusive control technique that makes people second-guess themselves. It involves minimizing damage, erasure of behavior, and, of course, "crazy making."
Women are more aware of the warning signs of gaslighting than they used to be, especially with so much discussion online. But research by Martina Bellomare and colleagues shows that repeated manipulation can make people more vulnerable to it over time, which helps explain why some women start to see unfair treatment as normal instead of recognizing it as abuse.
4. They have long histories of emotional or relationship abuse
Abuse is not just a bad dating experience or a bad experience with friendship. It's a serious form of trauma that can literally rewire your brain. One abusive relationship is all it takes for you to feel like everyone is a threat or like you have to walk on eggshells in order to avoid being hurt. It's terrifying!
When you've dealt with long periods of abuse from other people, the idea of actually feeling safe enough to maintain boundaries stops existing. You're just stuck waiting for the next time you're going to have someone hurt you.
5. They don't have strong support networks
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Support networks are groups of people whom you can lean on when things fall apart. After all, there is power in numbers. Even if they can't help you with a place to stay or a job, having people in your court just makes it easier to remain confident and actually work your way out of a mess.
People who don't have strong support networks are often at the mercy of their bullies. This is especially true if it's a financial matter. When you have to choose between eating and having to tolerate abuse, you'll tolerate a lot more abuse.
6. They were socially pressured to put others first
It's no secret: peer pressure can absolutely alter the course of a person's life. Society tends to impose certain expectations and double standards on women. In some parts of the world, women are basically expected to put their needs last, regardless of what they are going through.
The pressure to keep sweet, as some might say, is very real. Whether it's pressure to stay with an abuser "for the kids" or pressure to grin and bear it while others insult you doesn't matter. Therapist Kaytee Gillis, LCSW, explains in Psychology Today that societal pressure is one of the reasons many survivors delay leaving abusive relationships, even when they recognize something isn't right.
7. Stereotypes made them feel insecure
Among workplace coaches, the term "Impostor Syndrome" is a major buzzword. This is a syndrome in which a person who worked hard to get to where they are no longer feels they are actually worthy of being a major authority in their field. The reason why often deals with stereotypes and pre-existing beliefs they have about themselves.
Impostor syndrome makes it hard for people to stand up to others' criticism, even when that criticism is totally unwarranted. If you've ever seen a total genius stay silent while getting belittled by someone less qualified, this could be why.
8. They developed strong abandonment fears early on
True story: I once had a group of childhood friends who told me what to like, say, or do. Everything I did had to meet their standards. Eventually, I decided to put my foot down. I made the "mistake" of telling them I didn't like a particular movie series. Almost overnight, I got ghosted.
These people who were so close to me weeks before wouldn't even pick up the phone anymore. It messed with me on a major level and made it hard for me to actually voice my own opinions later on in life.
9. They were rewarded for being nice and selfless
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We've often talked about how many women avoid speaking up for fear of retaliation. What most people don't realize is that there's another side to this: positive conditioning. If a person gets praised for putting others first, they eventually become hooked on that praise.
We've all met people who seem to live for others' praise. If they get hooked on the idea of being known as the selfless one or the super nice one in a group, they may end up being a doormat later on.
10. They became the peacekeepers in their families or friend groups
We all have heard of family dynamics that are so toxic, so unbelievably bad, that people tend to step in to avoid major blowouts. More often than not, it's one or two people who antagonize everyone else. Then, it would usually be one or two other people who went out of their way to end the hostility.
Those people are (more often than not) women. Women who are used to being the peacekeepers tend to go into that mode as soon as they get the slightest hint of a conflict. It's their way of protecting others.
11. They believe they're taking the high road
Many of us have seen people who really take great pride in being the bigger person. At times, this can be a very admirable trait. People who recognize the self-control it requires to walk away from a situation or let things slide when you could wreck someone appreciate it. However, not everyone does.
If a woman thinks she's taking the high road among a sea of pit vipers, she's going to be very disappointed. She will continue to be taken advantage of, much to the dismay of real friends who don't want to see them go through that.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
