Boyfriend Accuses Girlfriend Of 'Preparing To Leave' Because She Won't Combine Finances With Him
On a side note, he has $5,000 in credit card debt.
Helena Lopes | Pexels A woman is in the midst of relationship issues because she told her boyfriend she didn't want to fully combine their finances. Turning to Reddit for advice, she explained that although they live together and share expenses equally, she simply wasn't ready to "merge everything."
Finances are tricky when it comes to relationships. They've often been the ruin of many marriages, and this couple isn't even legally bound. There's absolutely nothing wrong with keeping finances separate, especially in a dual-income household. What is important, however, is having the difficult conversations about financial compatibility, expectations, and a path forward that benefits both parties.
A woman's boyfriend thinks her hesitation to combine finances means she doesn't see a future together.
Cody Portraits | Pexels
The woman opened her post, explaining that she has been living with her boyfriend for over a year, and that everything has been going well so far. They split the cost of rent, take turns buying groceries, and each pays for their personal purchases. She emphasized that they don’t have any kids and haven’t made any big purchases.
She then explained, "A couple weeks ago he brought up the idea of us fully combining bank accounts. His reasoning is that since we live together and we’re basically a family now, it would make more sense to have all the money in one place." Guess which partner is the one with debt...
Needless to say, she wasn't on board with the idea. She wrote, "I told him I’m fine with opening a joint account just for bills and shared expenses and we could both put in equal amounts every month. But I really don’t want to merge everything. I like having control over my own money and I’ve been saving aggressively for years.
The woman said she is much more frugal than her boyfriend.
Financial compatibility is much more important in relationships than most people are willing to acknowledge. Whether it's because talking about money makes people uncomfortable or because there's a romanticized notion that love and money should be very separate, money issues are often swept under the rug until, like in this couple's situation, they become a problem.
The main issue, the woman argued, is that her boyfriend isn't quite as budget-minded as she is. She wrote, "He’s not terrible with money but he does have around 5k in credit card debt and he tends to spend a lot on impulse buys like electronics, random Amazon stuff, and eating out. I’m the opposite. I’m more frugal and I don’t want my savings mixed in and slowly chipped away because of his habits."
Social psychologist Theresa DiDonato, Ph.D., explained, "Financial compatibility is not about making the same amount of money or coming from the same amount of money: It's about people's approach to money. Think about the many joint money decisions and personal money decisions that people in relationships make. Highly compatible people argue less frequently about money; less compatible partners argue more."
In a nutshell, even if this boyfriend isn't "terrible with money," the fact is they have different approaches to money, and until they get on the same page, they should definitely not combine their finances.
The boyfriend was hurt and accused the woman of not trusting him.
Nataliya Vaitkevich | Pexels
Unfortunately, her logical explanation and compromise of a joint household account didn't go over well with her boyfriend. “He got visibly upset,” the woman wrote, “and said it feels like I don’t trust him.” He argued that if she truly wanted a long-term relationship, then keeping her money separate didn’t make much sense. To him, it felt like she was "preparing to leave."
Although his response might seem extreme, counselor Georgina Sturmer told VeryWellMind, "If we have conflicting approaches to financial management, it can lead to anxiety, frustration, resentment, anger, mistrust, and fear."
The girlfriend responded by explaining that it wasn’t about planning a breakup, but rather about being financially responsible. Still, this didn’t make things any better, as she said it had created a rift. Sadly, he couldn't see that the compromise of a joint account was a good first step in getting on the same page for a healthy financial future.
Mela Garber, a tax principal with New York City-based accounting firm Anchin and leader of its Matrimonial Advisory Group, explained to U.S. News & World Report that the best approach to finances in relationships is often a mix of both separate and joint finances, much like this woman had suggested. It allows couples to have a level of transparency when it comes to spending and budgeting that they wouldn't normally get when they keep their finances completely separate.
Ultimately, this couple needs to have these difficult money conversations now before getting more financially intertwined. Feelings might get hurt, and the relationship might get tested, but if they can put their differences aside and get on the same page, they'll be much stronger for it.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
