Woman Explains Why Some Husbands Don't Change After Being Told By Their Wives To Help Out More Around The House

She pointed out that a healthy partnership shouldn't mean bringing up the same issue with your partner and not seeing any results or improvement.

couple arguing while sitting on couch in house MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

A woman revealed the hard truth to many wives about why their husbands may not be receptive to helping out more with household responsibilities. 

In a TikTok video, a content creator named Abby Eckel revealed some marriage advice to women regarding the frustration and annoyance they most likely feel when they constantly confront their husbands about their lack of initiative in dividing labor.

Eckel explained why some husbands don't change after being told by their wives to help out more around the house.

"This is going to sound harsh, but I think a lot of people actually just need to hear the truth," Eckel bluntly stated. It's because he doesn't care." She explained that most husbands don't see how contributing to household responsibilities and chores will benefit them, especially if their wives are already doing it.


She pointed out that it really shouldn't take multiple conversations for a man to understand that his help is greatly needed. He's already gotten so used to everything being done that he has actively used that to exploit his wife's time, energy, and labor because he knows it'll get done eventually — just not by him.

@itsme_abbye This is a harsh truth. But it needs to be said. He simply doesn't care. It should not take conversation after conversation after conversation for your husband/boyfriend/partner to list, learn, and change. It's because he doesn't care. It doesn't benefit him to change. Approaching your husband AGAIN to discuss household inequity is likely to fall on deaf ears because he has been EXPLOITING your time, energy and labor. And if he didn't care when he started doing it, he sure as shit isn't going to care now. And he likely knows there will be no consequence when he doesn't. Because again, this probably isn't the first time this conversation has been had. And nothing happened the last time you had, so why would it happen no? This is the very reason I tell women who are early in relationships, and those that are single - start out as you mean to go on. This requires setting boundaries for yourself and the person you're in a relationship with. Be clear and upfront on what you expect out of it, what you will and won't do. Because the second you start cleaning up his place, or your shared space, doing his laundry, looking after and caring for pets without setting firm expectations, you'll soon find yourself being the sole owner and doer of those tasks. And trying to set boundaries after the fact - AFTER a man has benefited from you doing it, isn't likely to happen. #marriage #datingadvice #relationshiptips #marriedlife ♬ original sound - Marriage & Motherhood

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Unfortunately, this is not an uncommon occurrence. According to a January 2020 survey by Gallup, married or partnered heterosexual couples in the U.S. continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines, with the woman in the relationship shouldering primary responsibility for doing the laundry (58%), cleaning the house (51%) and preparing meals (51%). It's an outdated and frightening reminder of how the persistence of gender norms and inequality in the household continues to run rampant.

"This isn't the first time you've tried to explain your needs to him or how you feel unsupported," Eckel continued. "If he didn't hear you out, listen, learn, and change the very first time you brought these issues up to him, it's not gonna happen now." 

woman sick of cleaning Hirurg / Canva Pro


If you bring up any issue to your husband, whether it's a lack of completing chores, taking care of the children, or anything else that makes you feel inferior in the marriage, instead of immediately hearing you out and changing the way he moves from that day forward, he brushes you off or dismisses your concerns, it's a sign of deeper underlying issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. He knows there's no consequence if he doesn't change, and eventually, things will return to how they've always been.

Eckel likened it to disciplining children and how parents can consistently threaten and ask. Still, the second you don't follow through, a child automatically knows they can continue getting away with it because they know there won't be actual consequences.

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She said if he wanted to help more, he would.

"They're in couple's counseling right now because her husband is diminishing her and minimizing her feelings and emotions, then having angry outbursts at her when she brings them up. So I asked her the same thing: 'Do you think if he cared, you would be in this position?'" Abby questioned.


The answer, unfortunately, is no. If your partner truly wanted to make the change that would make your life easier, they would actively do the work and not spend months in therapy. 

frustrated blonde woman covered face with palms and crying while sitting bside sad grey-haired mature man on couch Vadym Pastukh | Shutterstock

When Abby brought these points up to the distressed wife, she defended her husband by explaining that he was making small changes. In response, Abby insisted that if he is, then he should be the one reading books and looking for resources instead of her. She's not the one who has to educate him on the importance of shared responsibilities and labor, and it's an unfair burden for her and any other wife out there to have to fix this collective issue when it isn't their problem to mend in the first place.


"I also bet she was the one who found the couple's counselor because he's still benefitting from everything even when he's working on things," Eckel said. "They're just pacifying you for that moment, not actually going to make meaningful change." 

In a relationship, you shouldn't constantly bring up the same issue to your partner without seeing results. They should immediately want to remedy concerns of inequity, especially if they care enough about you to see the relationship flourish instead of diminish. That's why, at the beginning of a relationship, you should always make sure to be extra clear about expectations and boundaries.

"Trying to set boundaries after the fact — AFTER a man has benefited from you doing it, isn't likely to happen." 


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Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.