Woman Gives Man 24 Hours To Plan A Date & Blames ‘Manosphere Culture’ For The Result
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Modern men are not exactly known for being great planners who are always ready to take initiative. One woman learned this for herself after almost going on a date with a man who really couldn’t care less.
Some have begun using the term “heterofatalism” to describe the uncomfortable situation heterosexual women find themselves in when they want to date men but also want those men to make an effort. It seems like their complete lack of ability could be blamed on harmful, misogynistic attitudes.
A woman had a ‘deeply unsettling experience’ when she tried to go on a date with a new man.
Molly Bowes shared screenshots of text messages between them as evidence on her Threads account. Bowes noted the man was 32, implying that he should be mature enough to handle this kind of situation by now.
The texts tell a different story. Bowes and the unnamed man decided they would meet up for ice cream. “Where and what time?” she asked, as any normal person would. He responded, “I haven’t thought about it yet,” before going radio silent.
Confused, Bowes followed up with him the next day and asked if they were still going to meet up. The man replied, “I was pretty sure you were ghosting me, so I wasn’t thinking that I was going to see you today.”
Bowes reminded him that he was the one who had seemed to cut off their conversation by having absolutely no idea where they should go. “You asked me right after we decided,” he said. “I’m not gonna have the answer the second after … Sorry I don’t have a repository of date ideas and ice cream places.”
At this point, Bowes was obviously done and had no intention of getting any ice cream. She accused the man of being a “diva” whose “low effort” meant he couldn’t even plan a date. “It’s not low effort, I just said I don’t want to,” he countered.
Bowes thought that the man couldn’t handle this minuscule responsibility because he had been ‘influenced by manosphere culture.’
It may sound like some kind of joke, but the manosphere is actually a real thing that’s drawing concern. UN Women defined it as “an umbrella term for online communities that have increasingly promoted narrow and aggressive definitions of what it means to be a man — and the false narrative that feminism and gender equality have come at the cost of men’s rights.”
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The manosphere isn’t really a specific set of beliefs these men ascribe to. Instead, it’s more like a misogynistic mindset that men have adopted. Cynthia Miller-Idriss, founder of the Polarization and Extremism Research and Innovation Lab at American University, said that this has gotten much worse since the “Me Too” movement.
“They land on an influencer who’s offering them often very tangible and real help that makes a difference, right, like get eight hours of sleep and drink water and get to the gym, and they package that with scapegoating of women or treatment of women or an idea of success as being dominant,” she said of the social media movement. “And so your life is improving while you’re starting to believe this other stuff.”
It’s basically like an ongoing advertisement for toxic masculinity.
The Movember Foundation reported that about two-thirds of young men see content from “masculinity influencers” on a regular basis. As Miller-Idriss said, these influencers may make some legitimate suggestions, which will make it easier to believe their more outlandish claims.
The manosphere may be a newer concept, but the idea that men are just not getting it certainly isn’t. As psychotherapist Joan Kavanaugh said, “Men behave badly because they can. Men still have most of the power in our culture — in our world.”
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Many men are under the impression that they’re in charge. It’s what society has always told them, and influencers who insist feminism is toxic are just reinforcing that idea. Women aren’t asking for much, though.
Bowes just wanted the man she was texting to pick an ice cream shop, which could really be done with a quick Google search. Or, if he truly didn’t want to make the decision himself, he could have asked for her opinion, which likely would have gone a long way. His choice to frame the situation as her fault shows how deep his misogyny and learned helplessness run.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
