Woman Accidentally Discovers Husband's Wife-Shaming Group Chat
He calls her "the warden."
DragonImages | Canva How would you feel if you picked up your husband's phone and found some secret texts? But here's the deal: it's not a side lover he's cheating with. It's also not him being flirty with other women. Instead, you find out he has a group chat with his friends where they mock each other's wives.
Seriously, an adult married man has been taking time to call you names and complain about the way you treat him to his buddies, all in a mean-spirited way. It would most likely be both surprising and sad, right? Unfortunately, that's exactly what this wife is going through, and she shared the incident on Reddit.
A woman accidentally discovered her husband's wife-shaming group chat with his friends.
The wife explained that they've been married for four years. Last weekend, the husband left his iPad unlocked, and she accidentally saw his notifications. What she found was that he and three of his closest friends have a group chat meant for joking about each other's wives.
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But to her, this wasn't funny. Guess what he calls her? The "warden." Her husband wasn't just exaggerating and flat-out lying about her either. He would even share screenshots of the texts she sends him, completely out of context. She added that he'd write things like, "The warden won't let me stay out late tonight."
What's unfair, she argued, is most of what he was ridiculing her for was completely fabricated. From her perspective, he was just trying "to look cool in front of his friends," she wrote.
Saying bad things about your wife to others is hurtful, even in jest.
When you talk poorly about your spouse to your friends, you're preparing them to disapprove of your partner, according to Dr. Katherine L. Fiorini, a psychology professor. The main idea is that when you keep telling your friends that your wife is not good for you, they might start influencing you to leave her.
Dr. Fiorini analyzed data from the Early Years of Marriage Project, a longitudinal study of marriage and divorce. "What we found is that among white couples," she wrote, "when husbands expressed disapproval of their wives' friends at the beginning of the study, those couples were more likely to divorce over the 16 years.
This is not to make the wife afraid. It doesn't mean they're likely to get a divorce. What Dr. Fiorini's study does indicate is that when you keep telling your friend circles that your wife is mean, they're more likely to start viewing her that way. And that makes sense. If you make others believe that your partner is harming you, they'll want to help you get away from them.
If it were true, that would be one thing. But if you're manipulating the truth to get some laughs in a group chat, then you might be harming your relationship as collateral damage. The wife explained that when she confronted him, the husband laughed it off, saying it's just what men do.
But still, she felt upset. The wife wrapped up the post by saying that she doesn't know what hurts more, him calling her names or lying that she's controlling. What she needs to realize is that, because most of what he writes about her is false, he's probably telling the truth that it's all in good fun. That doesn't make it easier to swallow, but it's a weird thing some men feel compelled to do.
Relationship and love resource Nremi explained, Sometimes, men talk badly about their wives because they think they should. It is not because anything is wrong or they are unhappy; they just feel like they must put on a show for the guys. It’s this weird macho thing where they feel like, to fit in, they need to downplay how much they actually adore their wives."
Now, if after she tells him it hurts her, he continues the behavior, that's a problem. For now, however, she should let it go. This is one of those battles that isn't worth the effort. He obviously is happy in his marriage and is literally doing exactly what she said, trying to look cool in front of the guys.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
