The Toxic Trait That Eats Away At Even The Healthiest Relationships

Simple steps to finally kick insecurity out of your relationship.

Woman is peaceful knowing she finally knows how to kick insecurity out of relationships. fizkes | Canva

All too often insecurity gets in the way of healthy relationships. It thrives on us feeling small and alone and can feel overwhelming to think about working through it. It's like an unwanted houseguest who shows up unannounced, and reminds you of all your imperfections. It's hard to shake them or set boundaries. But the truth is, you can move forward with careful intention and action. Overcoming insecurity in relationships might be challenging, but you can say no to insecurity. You don't have to feel small. Read through the list below to learn to deal with this unwanted guest with ease.


Here are 7 simple steps to finally kick insecurity out of your relationship:

1. Acknowledge your insecurity, honestly

There is no getting around insecurity — the only path is through it. You need to admit that it's a real problem that is keeping you from loving healthy relationships with yourself and others. Insecurity can be truly debilitating and isolating. Instead of letting it break you down in silence, name it to take some of its power away.

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2. Reflect

If you're going to really change the way insecurity shows up in your life, you have to understand why you are having these feelings to begin with. Most people experience insecurity in the forms of scarcity, comparison, fear, and anxiety. Spend a little time journaling to learn more about your unique experience of insecurity to get clearer on what you can do to move forward.


3. Focus on self-improvement

If you're a chronically insecure person, chances are you don't think highly of yourself and get caught up comparing yourself to others you admire. It's time to work on making yourself into a person who has no reason to be insecure because you're so happy with who you are. Take a class, try something new, meet a few friends, and cross a few things off that bucket list to take the strength away from your insecurity.


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4. Reach out to friends

Insecurity really likes to thrive all on its own, and wants you to isolate and wallow. Instead of letting it take control call in your community of compassion, those people who see you and accept you no matter what, and tell them what you're feeling. Ask for empathy, distraction, affection, and support.


5. Practice gratitude

When scarcity and fear visit, they are often protecting the things that matter most to us. Their greatest antidote is gratitude. Remind yourself that you're lucky just to be alive, and turn your energy to the greatness all around you.

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6. Cultivate self-compassion and acceptance

Improving and appreciating the life you have will go a long way to resolve your insecurity, but the truth is, nobody is perfect and someone will always have it easier/better/prettier than you. Learning to accept your imperfections with compassion is key to letting go of your insecurity.


7. Moving forward without insecurity

Insecurity is a natural emotion and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or your relationships. Continue to invest in the items on this list to help manage insecurity when it visits you again.

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Dr. Gina Senarighi, PhD, CPC is a couples therapist turned relationship coach, retreat leader, and author specializing in intimacy, authenticity, shame-resilience, and connected communication for diverse relationships. She has been featured in The Washington Post, USA Today, Women's Health, Bustle, Slate, and more.