People Who Don't Freak Over Small Stuff Usually Do 6 Things To Stay Cool As A Cucumber
Benevolente82 | Shutterstock As children, we were told to calm down when we expressed our emotions too strongly. But what if we were never taught the skills needed to actually calm ourselves?
Writer and actress Anna Akana looked to neuroscientist Dr. Nicole A. Tetreault’s research on emotional regulation for techniques to settle our nervous systems and stay cool as a cucumber.
People who don't freak over small stuff usually do these things to stay chill:
1. They practice the deep physiological sigh
A Stanford University study examined how cyclic sighing can lower stress and anxiety. David Spiegel, the associate chair of psychiatry and behavioral studies, co-led the project with neurobiologist Dr. Andrew Huberman.
“What’s interesting about the breath is that it’s right on the edge of conscious control,” Spiegel said. “Most of the time breathing is automatic… But you can very easily take over and control your breath, which then affects your overall physiology and stress response.”
"The physiological sigh is two deep inhales through the nose (no exhale in between), followed by a full exhale to empty the lungs (through the mouth) is the fastest way to reduce autonomic arousal, aka "calm down” and causes activation of neural circuits specifically for calming," explains neuroscientist Andrew D. Huberman, Ph.D.
This breathwork consists of two inhales and one long exhale. To implement the physiological sigh, take one breath in through your nose. Take another deep breath, filling your lungs completely; think of it as a second sip of air to top it off. Then exhale slowly through your mouth until your lungs are empty.
You’ll probably feel better after just one round, but repeating cyclic sighing for about five minutes lets you get the full effect. Huberman noted that the second inhale is especially important because it brings in more oxygen and allows you to “offload carbon dioxide.”
The exhale also matters because it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, slowing your heart rate and soothing your body overall.
2. They go for a walk
When we’re feeling stressed or out of sorts, it’s always a good idea to go outside, breathe in some fresh air, and feel the sunshine. Akana noted that when we walk, our eyes naturally move from side to side, which “relaxes the body and deactivates our amygdala.” When you walk, consider leaving your phone at home, so you can fully decompress and reset.
3. They know how to actually acknowledge their emotions
We spend much of our lives trying to control our emotions, which often means we’re repressing what we’re feeling. If you’re sad or feeling heightened emotions, verbally recognize what you’re feeling instead of trying to tamp those feelings down.
Ignoring how we feel only makes us feel worse. Validating your feelings is an act of self-compassion. Akana suggested moving your body to release endorphins after acknowledging your feelings. That movement doesn’t have to be anything complicated. You can stand and stretch for a few minutes, or have a mini dance party in your living room, whatever helps you shake out that negative energy.
4. Calm people spend time looking out windows
Feeling angry is an especially challenging emotion to regulate. Anger is part of our fight, flight, or freeze reaction, during which our adrenal glands release major amounts of stress hormones, like adrenaline and cortisol.
In this heightened state, it can be hard to think straight, let alone calm down. To release your anger, try looking out a window, but don’t focus on anything specific. Keep your gaze soft and unfocused: This blunts noradrenaline, so you can pause and think clearly.
5. They hyperfocus for one minute
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We’ve all experienced that midday lull when our minds wander from the work in front of us. To combat low motivation, Akana suggested focusing on one specific spot on your screen for a full minute while ignoring everything else around you. “Pupillary convergence increases focus,” she explained.
6. They take the time to write down their strengths
Feeling insecure is a common part of being human, and it can lower our confidence and sense of self-worth. This kind of low energy can make us spiral, question our value, and feel bad about ourselves. One way to stop that spiral before it goes too deep is to journal about your best traits and skills.
“Logical thinking overrides your limbic system,” Akana shared, noting that she journals when she feels low. Journaling is a somatic practice: It gets our thoughts and feelings out of our body and onto the page. It’s a form of release. "Learning emotional regulation is one of the most important tools we can have as adults," Akana said.
“Who gave you healthy habits of how to control your thoughts and feelings when life comes at you?” Akana wondered. “Likely, your parents did not, unless you were blessed, in which case, good for you.”
She noted that teaching ourselves emotional regulation is part of reparenting work, “by allowing ourselves to practice and master regulating our own emotional states.”
As you start teaching yourself emotional regulation techniques, remember to be gentle with yourself. You’re learning a new skill, and like all new skills, emotional regulation takes time and practice. Give yourself space and grace as you go through this process.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer for YourTango based in Boston. She covers social issues, psychology, self-help, and human interest stories.
