12 Things You’ll Usually Only Notice About People Who’ve Done The Inner Work
insta_photos | Shutterstock The work itself does not necessarily feel exciting and is not generally presented as a breakthrough or epiphany. Much of the process takes place in private and behind closed doors. It takes place in a multitude of ways, from having conversations with oneself, through honest self-reflection, to contemplating uncomfortable truths about oneself.
The people who have done their inner work have a different energy. It is not something they announce. Rather, it is something you can feel. It’s something you sense.
Here are 12 things you’ll only notice about people who’ve done the inner work:
1. They respond to situations intentionally — not reactively
Reactive “reactions” come from an unconscious level of awareness. Whereas Responses are based on conscious awareness. Individuals who have not done their own personal inner work communicate through the pain of their emotional wounds, such as Fear, Anger, Ego, and Insecurity.
People who have done the work show a noticeable pause. A breath. A moment of awareness. They think before they speak. They process before they reply. They can hold a trigger without letting it own them.
They understand that controlling their feelings does not mean suppressing feelings; controlling feelings means choosing what emotions they act on and will react to.
2. They are 100% accountable for their own emotions
They know 100% that they have a say in how they feel. They have no problem owning their emotional outbursts. They never ask another person to take care of or solve their issues that they cannot figure out on their own.
Instead of being able to say, “My emotions are my responsibility.” They don’t project. They don’t dump. They don’t turn their unresolved issues into someone else’s burden.
Instead of: “You made me angry.”
They’ll say: “I felt triggered — I need to understand why.”
This shift from blame to accountability is one of the clearest signs of emotional maturity.
3. They create an immediate feeling of calmness and safety within you
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When you are sitting next to them, you will immediately notice how easily your own shoulders slump down from tension. There is no stress, there is no energy from trying to support a performance for anyone, and there is no emotional roller coaster.
They do not speak over every silence. They do not have to display their power in conversation. They are not attempting to make a good Impression on anybody or prove something to anyone.
Their sense of serenity does not come from being void of chaos; rather, they learn how to maintain their serenity through the processes they put in place to regulate their own systems as a result of their character and upbringing, and as a result, they have an internal sense of stability that everyone feels when they are around them.
4. They can hold discomfort without escaping it
Most people run from emotional discomfort through distraction, denial, or numbing. But people who’ve done the inner work have faced their shadows. They’ve confronted their patterns. They’ve learned that discomfort is often a teacher, not an enemy.
They can sit in hard conversations. They can acknowledge painful truths. They can stay present even when vulnerable. This makes them resilient — not hardened, but steady.
5. They set boundaries clearly, calmly, and without apology
Their boundaries are not walls — they are clarity. They do not fear disappointing others. They do not over-explain. They do not negotiate their self-respect.
They understand that saying no is a form of self-care. What makes their boundaries different is their delivery:
No emotional charge. No defensiveness. Just grounded clarity.
6. They don’t chase validation — they value authenticity
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People who haven’t done inner work seek approval. People who have done inner work seek alignment. They know who they are. They know what matters to them. They don’t bend themselves to fit expectations.
Their confidence isn’t loud — it’s quiet, steady, and real. They choose authenticity over acceptance. Depth over performance. Truth over applause.
7. They listen — truly listen — without needing to be right
You notice something rare in them: They aren’t waiting for their turn to speak. They aren’t planning a rebuttal. They aren’t trying to win.
They listen with openness, curiosity, and compassion. They can hear perspectives that challenge them without feeling personally attacked. This is because they don’t attach their identity to being correct. They value connection over ego.
8. They can hold multiple truths at once
People who’ve done inner work can see complexity. They can understand two sides of a conflict. They can forgive someone while still holding them accountable. They can love someone and still know the relationship is unhealthy.
They don’t reduce everything to right/wrong, good/bad, villain/victim. They can sit in nuance. This ability is a hallmark of emotional growth.
9. They choose peace over chaos, but not by avoiding difficult conversations
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Choosing peace is not the same as avoiding conflict. People who’ve done the work aren’t afraid of difficult conversations — they simply refuse to escalate or dramatize them.
They walk away from arguments that go nowhere. They disengage from people who thrive on chaos. They protect their environment with intention. Peace is not accidental for them — it is curated.
10. They apologize with sincerity and depth
A real apology is not just words — it is accountability. People who’ve done inner work apologize with clarity: “I understand how my actions impacted you.” “I take responsibility.” “I am working on this pattern.”
There is no defensiveness. No excuses. No blame-shifting. Their focus is on repair, not protecting their ego.
11. They are comfortable with vulnerability — theirs and others
Inner work softens people in the best way. They are not afraid to say: “I’m hurting.” “I don’t know.” “I’m scared.” “I need support.”
They do not equate vulnerability with weakness. They know that being open creates deeper bonds. They also create space for your vulnerability — without judgment or discomfort.
12. They remain students of their own life, always evolving
Inner work does not end. There is no final version of yourself. People who’ve done the work know this.
They journal. They reflect. They seek feedback. They read, unlearn, grow, and challenge themselves. Growth is not a phase — it is a lifestyle. They do not brag about healing. They live it quietly.
People who’ve done the inner work are not special. They are simply willing — willing to look inward, to break patterns, to choose growth over comfort. Their peace is earned. Their clarity is cultivated. Their presence is intentional.
You don’t notice them because they are perfect. You notice them because they feel different — lighter, steadier, more aligned. And the truth is, anyone can become this kind of person. It begins with a decision: To stop running from yourself. And to start doing the work that sets you free.
Sanchit Varshney is a writer and software developer who explores the intersection of technology, creativity, and personal growth. His work focuses on self-improvement, modern work culture, and digital well-being.
