5 Things That Are Keeping Most People In Their 20s & 30s Up At Night, According To A Licensed Therapist
Being an adult is stressful.
Esra Korkmaz from Pexels | Canva Kids often fight sleep because they don't want to miss out on any fun that might happen after bedtime, but often as adulthood approaches, sleep becomes elusive — and it's not for want of trying. Being a grown-up is stressful, and there are plenty of worries that can keep you up at night.
For young adults in their 20s and 30s, the change from carefree teen to stressed-out adult is swift, and with it comes the problem of sleepless nights. According to licensed therapist Alivia Hall, the anxiety that keeps young adults awake at night seems to have some similar trends in source. In a video, Hall explained that most of the things people in their 20s and 30s talk to her about during their therapy sessions have common themes.
Five things that keep people in their 20s and 30s up at night, according to a licensed therapist:
1. The 'this is it' feeling
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"So you finally get the relationship, the degree, the apartment," Hall said. "Whatever the thing is that you thought would make you happy." Unfortunately, that thing doesn't have the intended effect, and instead, you are left with what Hall called a feeling of "Wait, is that it?" It's when you've been desiring something for a long time, and once you finally get it, the experience can feel underwhelming.
This can be described as post-achievement depression, according to Dr. Richard Brown, a research psychologist. He explained it as "experiencing a sense of purposelessness or sadness after completing a long-standing goal." This can lead to a range of emotions, including lack of motivation, tiredness, restlessness, frustration, self-doubt, sadness, melancholy, and even an existential crisis.
Here's the thing about becoming an adult: You spend so much of your childhood thinking you can't wait for it to come because of all the freedom and independence. But when you finally reach it, you spend the rest of your life nostalgically thinking of your carefree younger days and how much more wonderful they were.
2. Silent competitiveness
Therapist Hall explained that silent competitiveness happens when you start comparing everything from career salaries to your travel destinations with peers or worse, strangers on social media. It can even happen when they have something you might not actually want. It is that competitiveness, the belief that you don't measure up, that can keep you up at night.
Comparing yourself to others is not beneficial, according to Dr. Lisa Finlay, a licensed therapist. She explained that when people compare themselves to others who seem to be better off, they often feel worse about their own circumstances. She explained that there are two significant reasons why playing the comparison game will get you nowhere fast.
"The first is the fact that the world is a big place, so you will always be able to find someone who is better at something than you are. Better to give up comparisons altogether than to constantly feel less-than," Dr. Finlay wrote. "The second is the fact that comparisons that we make to others are usually unfair by design, because we tend to compare our messy insides to others’ polished outsides. We assume that others are happier or more confident than they are, because we can’t see all of those private insecurities that we are so familiar with in ourselves."
3. Relationship anxiety
Those questions you ask yourself about your relationship can take a toll on you, too, according to therapist Hall. She explained that people in their 20s and 30s often keep themselves up at night with the "what-ifs."
You might wonder if there is a better relationship out there for you, if yours will not work out long-term, or if you are not truly compatible with your partner. She added that these thoughts can come up even when there is nothing wrong with your relationship and you are actually happy in it.
4. Money shame
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It is common for people in their 20s and 30s to get caught up in financial worries, Hall explained. You may feel behind on savings, secretly live paycheck to paycheck, and feel embarrassed that everyone else seems more settled.
Naturally, this makes it hard to relax. In many ways, this ties back to the issue of comparison. The moment you start to think others are better off than you, you are more likely to feel anxious.
5. Identity whiplash
One day, you are a teenager with no worries, and the next, you are an adult who has to pay bills, work a job, clean, and the list is endless. Charlie Health, a virtual mental health treatment company, described this as "adulting anxiety." It occurs when people struggle to take on adult responsibilities and resist the transition into adulthood. It's normal, and it never really goes away. You just sort of get better at doing all the adult things.
Being an adult is hard, and if the stress is keeping you up at night, just remember you're not alone. When you find yourself tossing and turning, be kind to yourself instead of impatient and annoyed. Practice self-care, talk to your peers, and if that still doesn't help, consider getting professional help to walk you through the transition.
Matt Machado is a writer studying journalism at the University of Central Florida. He covers relationships, psychology, celebrities, pop culture, and human interest topics.
