The More Emotionally Intelligent Someone Becomes, The Less They Usually Tolerate 6 Things
PeopleImages | Shutterstock Emotionally intelligent people are attuned to how other people think and feel, which can make them a little rigid when it comes to the behaviors of people who don't have the same observational tendencies.
The small percentage of people who are emotionally intelligent won’t accept these things in their lives. The more they grow in their compassion, the less they’ll be able to tolerate careless actions that many other people seem perfectly okay with.
Things emotionally intelligent people just aren't willing to tolerate:
1. Selfishness
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One of the first lessons kids are taught when they’re young is how to share. During playtime with friends, their parents will probably make them share toys that another kid also wants to play with. It teaches children to be kind to others and to build healthy relationships.
Sharing helps them learn that they shouldn’t just take from others and that they should be less selfish. Since it’s such a simple lesson, emotionally intelligent people won’t be able to handle an inflexible friend who only prioritizes their own needs. Emotionally intelligent people won’t be able to handle being around people who haven’t learned a lesson that most people understand by the time they're in elementary school.
2. Gossiping
Gossip can be really hurtful to someone. It makes people feel alone and insecure about who they are. Emotionally intelligent people don’t want people to feel that way. This trait gives them above-average empathy, and empathetic people don’t want to hurt others’ feelings.
The more emotionally intelligent people become, the less likely they are to tolerate gossip. If their friends start talking badly about someone they know, they'll shut it down immediately. They don’t want to be a part of something that could hurt other people.
3. Hurtful defense mechanisms
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Emotionally intelligent people are very reflective. They’ll know when they’re upset and try to work through their emotions. Not everyone who’s experiencing negative feelings can do that, though.
Some people have certain defense mechanisms to handle those feelings. It can sometimes be pretty hurtful to their friends. One example would be sarcasm. They’ll make critical comments about people, but frame them as jokes. They’re trying to protect themselves from being criticized because they don’t want to get hurt. They end up doing the exact thing they were afraid of happening to them to their friend.
Another defense mechanism that can be really hurtful is lashing out when they feel upset. Some people yell at their friends even when their issue has nothing to do with them. Emotionally intelligent people will recognize these defense mechanisms. They won’t be able to tolerate them because they know the other person is pushing others down to make themselves feel better.
4. Ignored boundaries
Emotionally intelligent people know the importance of boundaries and make sure to set them and respect others. They won’t accept someone crossing their boundaries. If a friend keeps crossing their boundaries, they’ll probably cut them off.
Respecting other people’s boundaries is a sign of care. Friends who can’t do that don’t respect the people around them, and those aren’t friends emotionally intelligent people want to keep around.
5. Flaky friends
Flaky people can be really frustrating to deal with. You’ll spend a lot of time figuring out the right date and time for both of you guys to be free, only for the other person to drop out at the last minute. Mature people can’t tolerate these kinds of friends.
If they’re going to take the time to make plans with somebody, they’re going to do it with a friend they know is going to show up. If someone repeatedly tries to cancel or change the plans, they’re not going to put up with that.
Maturity is understanding your own self-worth and wanting everyone else to respect it as well. Someone who’s not excited about spending time with them isn’t somebody who values them as much as they value themselves.
6. Guilt trips
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Sometimes people get too busy to spend time with their friends. If someone asks to hang out, they’ll have to tell them no. Most friends can accept this, but not friends who are okay with guilt-tripping the people around them.
These people will make their friends feel bad so that they’re forced to do whatever the other person wants. They’ll use someone’s empathy against them, which is the textbook definition of emotional manipulation. Emotionally intelligent people know that guilt-tripping someone isn’t fair. Real friends should respect other people's time.
If someone doesn’t have enough time to spend with them, they believe people should respect that. They won’t be able to tolerate friends trying to manipulate others. They usually just cut those people out of their lives.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
