5 Things Deeply Jealous People Do Almost Constantly
Does jealousy rule your behavior?
Kenzie Kraft | Unsplash Extreme jealousy is one of the most destructive things in a relationship. Research has found that jealousy, while sometimes a sign of love, is more consistently linked to negative relationship. Engaging in jealous behaviors and suspicions is not cute. It does not let your significant other know you really care. And it definitely will not strengthen your relationship.
An occasional, mildly jealous episode might actually heighten the interest in your relationship, but chronic, pathological jealousy is like cancer that will destroy any loving feelings that exist in your relationship. And learning how to deal with jealousy does not come easily.
Here are 5 things deeply jealous people do almost constantly:
1. Constantly call their partner
Whenever your partner doesn't answer the telephone while in your presence, you wonder if it could be a lover.
2. Stalk people online
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Whenever your partner has a new friend on Facebook, you go to the friend’s page to check out your competition. According to a 2022 study, jealousy-driven stalking can occur within high-conflict relationships where there is mutual jealousy. Online stalking can be a way to maintain a sense of connection and control over the target's life, even if the target has no interest in maintaining the relationship.
3. Physically stalk people
You find yourself driving by your loved one's job, home, or places you know him/her to frequent, thinking you'll find some incriminating evidence.
4. Don't trust new people
Every time your loved one introduces you to someone new, you closely watch them for any sign of attraction and later grill your significant other about their relationship. Jealousy and distrust in new people are often intertwined and can be influenced by a complex interplay of attachment styles, past experiences, and cognitive patterns. Research shows that anxiously attached individuals tend to have lower levels of trust in romantic relationships.
5. They snoop
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Whenever you get the opportunity, you are checking your loved one's phone and email for signs he/she may be involved with someone else.
If this describes you, your relationship is in big trouble! It's time for some introspection and to make some changes.
Is this the person you really want to be? Does your partner deserve your trust and respect? If so, then extend those courtesies. If not, and your partner has given you multiple reasons not to trust him/her, ask yourself why you are still in a relationship with a person you cannot trust.
People who are jealous messes choose these jealous behaviors as their best attempt to get what they want. Typically, what jealous people want is for their partner to have no romantic interest in other people.
How to end jealous behavior
If you are a jealous mess, ask yourself: Is my behavior causing my partner to want to be with me exclusively? When you honestly look at your behavior, you will have to admit that everything you are doing is pushing your loved one right into the arms of an understanding, non-jealous person.
Do you think your behavior is attractive? Do you actually believe that engaging in this crazy behavior will keep your partner devoted to you, and only you, for the rest of your life? When you actually take the time to honestly answer those questions, you know what you are doing isn't helping your cause.
So now what? It's time to understand that you, and only you, are in charge of your behavior. When you feel compelled to engage in behavior you know is destructive, it is because you are having thoughts that lead to feelings that generate the destructive behavior. The place in that cycle where you have the most control is your thinking.
Next time you begin to feel jealous, take stock of your emotions by asking these questions:
- What am I thinking right now that is creating these feelings of jealousy?
- Is what I'm thinking true? Is it really true?
- How do I know?
- What evidence is there to indisputably support this story I'm telling myself?
- What other story could I invent that would create loving feelings instead?
- What thoughts could I think that will lead to trust?
- What thoughts will help me be the person I really want to be in this relationship?
Change your story, change your life. Stop being a victim of repetitive behavior as if you have no control. The only person who can change this perpetuating cycle is you. So choose something different today.
Kim Olver is a licensed counselor, certified coach, speaker, and award-winning, best-selling author. Over the years, she has taught thousands of people Glasser's Choice Theory concepts.
