Is Sending A Voice Note Kind Of… Selfish?
You either love 'em or you don't.
Design: YourTango There's no denying that sending a text is the most convenient form of communication we currently have. Admittedly, however, context is sometimes lost somewhere between abbreviations and a lack of punctuation that even professional-level emoji skills can't make up for. But since no one can be bothered to call anymore, it is what it is.
But now, voice notes have entered the chat. The shiny new toy of messaging has become very trendy nowadays, but the concept seems anything but novel. Essentially, it's a voicemail without the call first. It's a way to tell the recipient, "This is an incredibly important piece of information that you must stop and listen to, but I simply don't have time to actually talk to you." That, at its core, is a selfish act. Right?
Whether sending a voice note is selfish or not seems to depend on the circumstances.
No matter how flat you make a pancake, it still has two sides, and that means that despite my inclination to immediately and vehemently insist that sending a voice note is simply the most selfish thing a person can do, there are undoubtedly instances when it's an utter delight.
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Look, hearing a loved one's voice is a great joy, and this is an opportunity to do that. What I can't seem to wrap my head around is why not call? You don't have the time? Send a text that says, "Let's schedule a call." Boom!
But maybe in our ever-busier world it's not as simple as that. Maybe it's really a whole lot easier to trap the kids on the way to dance class and have them sing Happy Birthday in a voice note to Grandma than it is to actually get them to take the time to call.
TIME Magazine noted, "With a voice note, [the receiver] can take time to formulate a response, reply when you can, and pick right back up where you left off ... they’re able to listen to those notes whenever needed." Can't the same be said for voicemail, though?
Phone calls have become the bane of existence for most young people, which is what makes this so hard to comprehend. Not only does a voice note require more time and attention than a text, but the recipient must also pay attention to where they are and whether they can listen. In many instances, listening likely requires headphones or earbuds. That's another check mark in the selfish slot.
In an NPR article, Emma Bowman pointed out, "'asynchronous' forms of communication like voice notes, that don't involve a back-and-forth dialogue, can't replace the benefits of 'synchronous' calls that allow us to pick up on linguistic cues to have a more seamless, responsive conversation." Although I agree, the same was probably said when phones were first invented. Traditionalists probably compared calls to face-to-face conversations in utter disgust. The voice note might just be fun, and perhaps I'm just being an old fuddy-duddy.
Voice notes offer flexibility while still allowing both parties to convey their complete thoughts.
In a post arguing that "voice notes are lazy and rude," one person pointed out, "My best friend and I have whole yap sessions in the car with each other. We can almost never align phone calls because our schedules are wildly different so getting to yap back and forth is very valuable. I listen on my drives!" That's actually kind of beautiful.
Just because life gets busier doesn't mean we don't crave connection with our nearest and dearest. For these friends who can't seem to find the opportunity to talk, hearing each other's voices fills that void. It's an act born of consideration for both people's lives, and that is decidedly not selfish.
Besties Hope Sloop and Bobbi Miller, who met on TikTok, are big fans of voice notes. They explained to NPR, "We're able to hear the sheer joy in each other's voice ... sometimes in text the gravity of the situation doesn't always get relayed."
Yes, hearing someone say the thing conveys the message with emotion and inflection. That's something totally lost in text unless, of course, you are writing Hemingway-worthy messages, but who has time to do or read that?!
Fundamentally, as long as both the sender and the receiver of the voice notes are on board, it's not selfish. Is it really as simple as that?
Voice notes allow for a deeper connection.
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In his piece for Time, Rainesford Stauffer described the joy he derives from being the recipient of voice notes, writing, “what I found in hearing not just my loved ones’ voices was the soundtrack of their lives playing in their 2-minute recordings: kids playing, how joyful someone sounded walking back from a good first date, the clatter of cooking utensils, gossiping about work."
That's a beautiful way to look at it, and in my own selfish way, I hope it opens the door to the beauty of conversation again. To the delight that used to be felt when the phone rang, regardless of who was on the other end.
I remember the last time I sent a voice note was on the drive home after a date. Many pauses on my end were made while trying to integrate a timeline of what happened. "We went to her favorite park, and the sprinklers rained down on me! Such a good time, though. I'm literally just leaving, and she was like, 'I don't want you to leave, but I have work in the morning.'" I live to entertain and share my life with my friends. They replied with "OMG, my show is on! Thank you for your beautiful voice."
I'm fortunate to have people who will sit through my monologues.
And the same theme emerges, as long as the sender and the receiver are happy to get the voice note, it doesn't really matter if the general consensus is that they are the worst thing ever. Because they aren't the worst thing by a mile. Connection is invaluable. If you can't call, share your voice as much and as often as you can. Better yet, see each other face-to-face.
Emi Magaña is a queer Latinx writer from Los Angeles with a bachelor's in English. She covers entertainment, news, and the real human experience. More of her non-fiction essays belong to CHAPSTICK online magazine and her Substack.
