Rude People Who Claim They're Socially Awkward Tend To Make 8 Excuses For Themselves
Just dance / Shutterstock No one likes to be around people who are downright rude. Aside from being really unpleasant, regularly dealing with someone's rude behavior can wear you down, both mentally and physically. Still, it seems like more and more people these days think they can get away with behaving however they want, as long as they can use the excuse that they're just really awkward and therefore can't help it.
Rude people tend to use these excuses to claim they’re really just socially awkward
1. ‘I don’t have a filter’
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If someone says they don’t have a filter, it’s like they’re telling everyone they have to not only put up with whatever mean comments they make, but also to expect them to come.
Talking about having a filter sounds like a joke, but there actually are different parts of the brain that help us determine what’s appropriate. People really do know better in almost every situation. Even if someone is used to blurting out whatever comes to their mind, that doesn’t excuse it. Their brain is still telling them that’s not OK. It’s their choice to override it.
2. ‘Meeting new people makes me uncomfortable’
Using awkwardness with new people as an excuse can be pretty effective because it’s true in a lot of cases. Many people feel super awkward when they meet someone for the first time, and there’s not much they can do to change that.
There’s a big difference between feeling uncomfortable and being rude. Someone who’s really treating other people badly is probably just mean. If they really felt awkward, they’d feel embarrassed by that behavior.
3. ‘I’m a really honest person’
Honesty is a good thing, but it can be taken too far. Rude people like to describe themselves as brutally honest because they think it means they can say or do whatever they want.
This is really just a way for them to invalidate your feelings. As psychologist Jonice Webb, PhD, said, “They are informing you that they are about to hurt you, but that you should not experience any hurt because they’re just being honest.” Everyone wants to have people in their life that they can count on to tell them the truth. Weaponizing the truth so that it becomes painful is something entirely different. That’s rude, not socially awkward.
4. ‘I can’t change who I am’
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It might be more accurate for a rude person to say they won’t change who they are. They’re trying to pass off their bad behavior as a personality trait, but that doesn’t make it acceptable.
People really can grow and change when they want to. This person doesn’t want to, so they’re putting the blame back on you for asking them to do something impossible. This excuse shows defiance, not social awkwardness. They’re set in their ways and not willing to do anything differently.
5. ‘It was just a joke’
When someone is so rude that they hurt other people’s feelings, saying they were just joking is a classic cop out. They know they did something wrong, but they’re blaming it on poor humor instead of taking responsibility.
A genuinely socially awkward person could definitely make a joke that is horribly misunderstood, but that’s not what happened here. What really happened is that a cruel person just didn’t want to admit that they messed up, and they thought a joke would be the perfect cover-up.
6. ‘I talk a lot when I’m nervous’
Talking more than you intend to is a pretty common nervous habit, but in some cases, rather than chattering away because they feel anxious, the person you're dealing with may be a conversational narcissist who actually wants to dominate all communication.
That’s obviously not the same thing as a clinically diagnosed narcissist, but it’s easy to see how it overlaps with being rude. Someone who behaves this way is showing a clear lack of consideration for everyone around them, meaning their problems go much deeper than being awkward.
7. ‘I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not’
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If a rude person tries to hide their true nature behind a label of social awkwardness, they could easily make the argument that doing anything different would be fake for them. They shouldn’t have to act differently to make other people happy, right?
There’s a lot of irony behind this excuse. Neuropsychologist Theo Tsaousides, PhD, defines authenticity as “acting in accordance with one’s true self.” So, by saying they won’t pretend to be anyone other than their rude self, they’re actually being remarkably authentic.
8. ‘I didn’t know it was a problem’
There probably isn’t anything more socially awkward than not realizing you’re acting a certain way because you truly didn't know you were being rude. It’s hard to justify that, though, when you're talking about basic social skills most people learn as kids.
It’s pretty clear that people who say they didn’t know their behavior was a problem usually really did know exactly what they were doing. They just didn’t want to bother themselves to do things differently, and now that they’re being called out for it, they’re trying to excuse themselves.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
