These 8 Phrases Often Reveal Bias People Don’t Realize They Have
Rawpixel | Shutterstock Most people like to think they're open-minded and free of bias. But bias doesn't always look like something loud or obvious. More often, it hides in the everyday phrases we say without thinking that reveal assumptions they don't even realize they're carrying. If you're reading this, you're probably someone who wants to do better. No one is perfect, and everyone is at a different stage of their learning process. But the fact that you're here and open to examining your own language says a lot.
Some of the most common things we say to each other are loaded with bias that we've absorbed from the culture around us. The first step toward changing that is being able to recognize it. These eight phrases might sound familiar, and that's exactly the point: they often reveal bias most people don't even realize they have.
These 8 phrases often reveal bias people don’t realize they have:
1. 'Where are you from?'
There simply isn't an easier way to cast someone as "other" or "outside" than by insinuating they don't belong or that they must have come from somewhere else. It might feel like a well-intended question, but it carries a hidden assumption the speaker usually doesn't realize they're making: that someone doesn't belong here because of the way they look.
Look around. We live in a multicultural society, and assuming someone isn't "from" here because of their skin color reveals a bias most people don't even know they're carrying. Curiosity is cool, and learning about people can be really interesting, but leading with this question before you even know someone's name says more about your assumptions than their identity.
2. 'I don't see color'
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Oh, you don't? That's interesting. How nice that you, as a person of privilege, get to completely disregard the concept and consequences of being racialized. Expressing your "colorblindness" might feel progressive, but it actually reveals a bias you probably don't realize you have.
While you go on your way, where race isn't an issue, so there's no need to pay attention to the "distinctions of shade or color," racialized folks are facing very real and harsh realities because of this fact. Saying you don't see color doesn't erase those realities. It dismisses them. It tells someone that a huge part of who they are and what they navigate every single day is invisible to you. That's not solidarity. That's erasure. You're contributing to the problem, not helping.
3. 'You're pretty, for a ___ girl.'
Indian, Black, Asian, Jewish, the list goes on. While you might mean this as a compliment, it's actually a huge insult. The person saying it often has no idea what they've just revealed, but there's a built-in assumption baked right into the sentence that people who look like you aren't usually attractive, and you just happen to be the exception.
Our society still attributes positive qualities to "whiteness" and negative qualities to "non-white." This ideology suggests that whatever is closer to white proximity is inherently better. What you're basically saying is, "You're not quite there, but nice try." And the person on the receiving end hears it loud and clear, even when the person saying it doesn't. Were you expecting a "thank you" to follow that? Think again.
4. 'You're so exotic'
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The term exotic literally means "from a distant foreign country." Similar to the "Where are you from?" question, using the term exotic to describe a person is basically another way to say they aren't "from here." It might sound like admiration, but it frames someone as fascinating because they're different, which reveals the same bias the speaker doesn't realize they have.
This can also lead to romanticizing or tokenizing someone's appearance or culture rather than actually seeing them as an individual. The person saying it almost always means it as a compliment. But that's exactly what makes it such a clear example of bias hiding in plain sight. Don't romanticize another culture. Stop using problematic stereotypes and stop imposing them on others. Not cool.
5. 'I'd love for you to come to the meeting so we have some diversity at the table'
This is a perfect segue into the concept of tokenizing people based on the color of their skin. This can happen in many ways. One, for instance, is including a "token" person of color to create an idea or illusion of diversity or social inclusivity.
The person extending the invitation usually thinks they're being progressive. But the bias it reveals is that they see that person's value in terms of what they represent, not what they bring.
It also assumes that one person can represent or speak for an entire culture or group of people. That assumption, that they are "all alike," completely disregards any diversity within that community. You might think you're opening a door. But what the other person hears is, "We don't need your expertise. We need your appearance."
6. 'You don't act ___.'
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Chinese, Palestinian, Colombian, etc. Oh, is there a certain way that Colombian women are supposed to act? Well, of course you believe so, or you wouldn't feel the need to point out the perceived "anomaly." This reinforces stereotypes about groups of people and is incredibly offensive, even when the person saying it has no idea that's what they're doing.
People tend not to like blanket statements because they are closed off, rigid, and problematic. Even worse than saying "You don't look or act racialized" is using this as a compliment.
By saying things like "You're Asian, but you act so white," it further perpetuates the idea that whiteness is good and anything outside this periphery is inherently bad. The speaker thinks they're praising someone. The bias they don't realize they're revealing is that they've ranked entire groups of people without even knowing it.
7. 'You speak English so well'
This one sounds like a genuine compliment. But it reveals something the speaker usually doesn't see. It assumes that English is the standard someone should be measured against, and that speaking it well is an achievement worth noting, rather than just a thing a person does.
Let us not forget that English-speaking nations have a dark history of colonialism, violence, and genocide. Let us not forget all the attempts to "assimilate," "civilize," or "better" certain groups of people by forcing European culture and the English language upon them, pushing them closer to this white proximity.
Whether it's hiding their accent, relaxing their hair, or lightening their skin, complimenting someone's "attempt" at whiteness is to, in turn, condemn people of color for being who they are. Why are people of color only celebrated in relation to whiteness? The person giving the compliment probably has no idea they've just revealed that bias. But the person receiving it feels the weight of it immediately.
8. 'I just love your culture so much, imitation is the highest form of flattery'
Well, sometimes people think they are "celebrating" different cultures, but let's be real: it's appropriating. There is a power dynamic at play that needs to be addressed. Wearing a headdress and calling it appreciation doesn't make it so, no matter how sincere the intention feels.
You're stripping an entire culture down into what you find trendy, fashionable, or beneficial to you and disregarding the rest. That's not celebrating. It's a mockery, and it's hurtful to those who belong to the culture you are parading for your own agenda.
You don't have to live with the consequences of being racialized. The bias hiding behind the flattery is the belief that a culture is yours to borrow from when you want and put down when you don't. And most people who do this genuinely don't realize that's what they're doing.
It's also important to note that while racialized individuals face these types of stigma and stereotypes, oppression is intersectional. This means all types of marginalization are connected, including race, gender, ability, class, age, religion, and orientation. A woman of color, for instance, not only endures racial microaggressions but also endures patronizing remarks because of her gender.
The main takeaway is that there isn't a certain way for a person to behave or look based on their gender, race, ability, age, religion, or orientation. Categories may be "social in origin," but they can be restricting and incredibly destructive. Identities are fluid, emergent, dynamic, and beautiful, and all should be celebrated rather than scrutinized. The biases we carry often live in the phrases we use without thinking. Recognizing them is the first step toward changing them.
Note: This article does not aim to speak for people of color; rather, I hope to facilitate a discussion around racial issues among privileged groups.
Chantal Godin is currently completing her Master's in Sociology. She is passionate about social justice and clean living.
