6 Phrases Deeply Miserable People Use In Daily Conversations
Listen closely: these common expressions often mask a deeper sense of misery.
Hikmet | Canva In the cartoon world, miserable people walk around with a perpetual storm cloud over their low-slung heads. Yet, the reality of being chronically unhappy has no humorous punch line. For people who find themselves trapped in the mire of misery, any way out only seems to beckon them deeper.
You can spot someone who's carrying around a heavy cloud not by the way they look, but by the way they speak. Misery has a way of seeping into everyday conversation, showing up in little phrases people use without even realizing it. These aren't just harmless words — they reveal a mindset stuck in negativity and self-pity.
Here are six phrases deeply miserable people use in daily conversations:
1. 'I don't want to bother you'
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People want to be invited to air complaints and issues, but deeply miserable people often do not have the confidence or quality of relationship that opens the door to complaining, observes career and life management consultant Ruth Schimel, PhD. However, by using your experience, intuition, and common sense, you can look for significant clues that they are struggling.
The challenge is to avoid overgeneralizing assumptions from specific things you notice, as well as the strong impulse to help or give advice. Instead, if you are emotionally healthy, you may choose from several options. From offering a shoulder to cry on, someone to bounce ideas off of, or simply setting healthy boundaries,
2. 'It's not my fault'
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Life coach Kathy Ramsperger explains how deeply miserable people will often point the finger instead of examining themselves. They may not have a specific point of blame, so they sling it at others or society in general. They will always find fault.
A study from The International Journal for the Advancement of Counseling on "anger illness" explained how projections of blame and being caught in a cycle of increasing anger are interrelated. The more anger, the more blame, then more blame, the more anger.
3. 'That was stupid'
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Deeply miserable people may be speaking about themselves or others when they use this phrase, says clinical psychologists Phyllis Koch-Sheras and Peter Sheras. But in either case, it comes from a destructive place of making yourself or others wrong. They might say it to release anger, frustration, or hurt they are experiencing when there is no other immediate outlet.
This often leads to feelings of guilt, defensive language, or behavior. It is particularly destructive to use this phrase with or around children who have a hard time evaluating their behavior. They then may adopt what others around them say to them or about them, in this case, believing that they are stupid or judging others critically.
None of this leads to feelings of confidence, joy, or mutual respect. It often leads to feeling deeply miserable about oneself and pessimistic about the world. Language is a very powerful tool, to be used for good or for ill. Being aware of how we use our language can make a big difference in the choices we make about how we speak about ourselves and others.
4. 'I can't change it'
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One of the most limiting mindsets is believing you're only defined by your past, and you can't change, advisestrauma expert Clare Waismann. Holding onto this belief makes it hard for individuals to see new opportunities, keeping them anchored to old stories and mistakes.
You feel like you're constantly looking back while trying to move forward, and it's counterproductive and risky. Recognizing that each day presents new chances for growth and improvement is essential to overcoming this mindset and making positive strides in life.
5. 'There's nothing to feel good about'
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If you can not think of a positive thought? Life coach Erika Jordan says you need to look around you. A hummingbird drinking from a flower, your pet, your nephew, or a funny YouTube video. You're able to breathe, your coffee was perfect today, or it's finally Spring! When everything is doom and gloom, you need to shine a light.
It does not eliminate the gloom, but it allows you to see the rainbow. Life is good and bad. Life is magical and life is devastating. It is up to you what you choose to focus on. Choose accordingly.
6. 'I'm so happy' (with a blank stare)
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Author Ossiana Tepfenhart points out how most of us have seen people who are simply acting the part, even though they seem empty inside. They smile, they sound super happy, but they seem to have lost who they are as people. It’s most often seen through a smile that doesn’t really feel present.
That empty smile is an obvious indicator that the person in question doesn’t want to be there. It could even be a sign of dissociation, which Mental Health America defined as "a mental process that causes a lack of connection in a person’s thoughts, memory, and sense of identity."
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
