People Who Are Kind Yet Deeply Respected Usually Say These 5 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Rido | Canva Plenty of us avoid being too assertive for fear of coming off as mean or overly aggressive. This can be a particular problem for women, especially, who are taught our whole lives that assertive women are pushy or unattractive.
However, when push comes to shove, being a bit assertive is necessary sometimes. So, how do we get there? Marriage therapist Dr. Logan Cohen discusses the casual phrases that kind people say that also demand basic respect from others.
Kind but respected people often say these things casually:
1. 'That doesn't work for me'
First, and most importantly, Cohen advises that kind-but-deeply-respected people get clear on their limits. "Take time to reflect on what you're willing and not willing to tolerate," explains Cohen. Look at what goes beyond your comfort zone and what types of situations and communication overwhelm you. Cohen advises writing these limits down and reflecting on them, which will help you better understand where you want to invest your time and resources — and where your limits exist.
2. 'I'm not comfortable with that'
Cohen advises deeply respected people to practice this phrase over and over until they feel comfortable saying it; maybe even role-play the scenario with a friend. Try starting with, "I'm not comfortable with that," as it is one of the more challenging phrases to use.
When we set boundaries, we usually think about what limits we want to set. However, we seldom take the time to practice how we plan on setting those limits. Cohen continues, "The phrase, 'I'm not comfortable with that' allows you to assert yourself by intentionally factoring in your needs rather than just going along with what seems to make everyone else feel better."
3. 'I need time to think about this a little more'
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Kind people who are also deeply respected rehearse difficult conversations before they get into them. Role-play these conversations with a trusted friend or family member so you're ready when people give you inevitable pushback. When you become a more assertive person, others will challenge your newfound confidence, question your actions, and try to intimidate you back into your old self.
That's why you need to rehearse before you engage. Cohen explains, "This isn't about being fake or putting off important chats. Taking time to think about things before you respond helps you get clarity on your perspective and increases your confidence about your position moving forward. When you're feeling overwhelmed or like someone's trying to rush your decision-making, simply say 'I need time to think about this more' so that you don't agree to anything you don't feel is right for you."
4. 'I see it differently and here's why...'
There will always be a time when you disagree with someone. Whether it's political matters or career choices, people won't always be on the same page as you. During times like these, it's easy to get frustrated and become defensive. However, it's important to keep your composure and learn to disagree politely — that's what kind-but-respected people have perfected.
Cohen explains, "Train yourself to express a different opinion with phrases like, 'I see it differently, and here's why...' Or, 'I understand your perspective, but here's where I'm coming from.'" Learning to be polite while also standing up for yourself can not just benefit your personal relationships, but can also help in your career and other areas of life, too.
5. 'My needs matter just as much as anyone else'
While you can say a phrase like this out loud to someone else, this one is at its most powerful when used as an affirmation. Research on the power of self-affirmations helps us see how using affirmations creates new ways of thinking and feeling. In this case, stating that your needs matter as much as other people's is a way to practice believing it, so you're more likely to stand up for yourself when the time comes.
Try thinking of a phrase you can rely on to boost your assertiveness when you're feeling unsure or lacking confidence. Some other ideas:
- I am a valuable human being.
- I value myself as a person.
- I deserve to relax.
- I deserve to be happy.
Regardless of what phrase you choose to affirm your worth, kind people who are deeply respected deserve (and expect) as much emotional safety, security, and input as anyone else. Practicing these phrases is the first step toward reminding yourself of this fact.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
