People With Killer Mental & Emotional Social Skills Usually Say 3 Phrases To Instantly Connect With Anyone
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock We like to hate small talk a lot because it’s seemingly meaningless. Maybe it is, or maybe we aren’t looking at it correctly. Really, behind every cliché question is a subtle but effective intention to connect, and people with incredible mental and emotional social skills usually use these phrases to do just that.
People with killer mental and emotional social skills usually say these things casually:
1. 'How have you been doing?'
Research published by Stanford Medicine found that this phrase demonstrates genuine interest and opens the door to deeper conversation, fostering a sense of rapport. The social exchange theory suggests that people are motivated to maintain relationships in which they perceive a balance of giving and receiving, which is why asking about someone's well-being is a positive social exchange.
2. 'Are you seeing anyone?'
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Research published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin found that asking someone if they are dating anyone can help you connect with people by creating curiosity and interest, ultimately building rapport and fostering deeper connections. This aligns with the concept of reciprocal self-disclosure, in which revealing personal information can lead to greater closeness between people.
3. 'Are you fulfilled?'
Other phrases people with killer social skills use to connect with others: "Do you feel like your life has a purpose? Do you feel like you have a purpose?
I’m not advocating that we completely replace small talk with the Real Questions, but I do think we can find unparalleled beauty even in the most ordinary and common ways of communication. Because, at the end of the day, we are all just trying to be okay. We just want to feel a part of something larger. Or, maybe some days we want to let ourselves feel as small as possible.
The point is that no one will ever stop asking these questions. Isn’t that something a little special? I know we think these are just words to fill conversational voids, but there has to be a part of us that genuinely wants to know.
I want to know where and why my friends are hurting. I want to know where they’ve healed and what they’re looking forward to. I want to know if they feel as happy and loved as they deserve. I want to know that the inevitable pain of this life isn’t completely crushing their spirit, as it so often can. I want to hear what this stranger does for a living and whether it interests them or merely pays the bills. I want to know what they would do with their time if they didn’t have these bills to pay.
I want to give them a seemingly empty compliment on whatever they’re wearing just so they can tell me where they bought it, how long they’ve had it, or who gifted it to them. I want to gauge just how much life is beating in them at this very moment, which you can sometimes tell from a simple question.
The only thing I don’t want is to hear that everything is fine. In a universe as vast as this one, where it’s a mere miracle to be alive each day, I don’t want us to take it for granted. When we say things are fine, we are unintentionally locking down the joys of simple initial connection by being lazy. This life is anything but fine, and small talk is anything but small — but people with incredible social skills know that already.
Erin Cinney is a freelance writer who focuses on mental health and lifestyle topics. Her work has been published in The Daily Caller, Thought Catalog, and Medium.
