People Who Keep Losing Friends Without Knowing Why Often Say 5 Clueless Phrases
Mert Coşkun | Pexels Ever wonder why some friendships seem to vanish into thin air? It's not always a dramatic falling-out or an external event; it can start with seemingly casual phrases that come across as, well, sort of clueless. From excuses to offhand offensive comments that dismiss a person's feelings, these toxic phrases often pave the way for ghost town friendships.
People who lose a lot of friends often say these clueless things:
1. 'I’m just trying to have a conversation…'
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This phrase is insidious because we all know that the people saying it aren’t just "having a conversation." They’re usually venting rage about topics that trigger a lot of people. Even if it’s not the typical hate-filled sewage, the problem with this phrase is that it’s only said when they keep steering the conversation to stuff people don’t want to talk about.
If it’s clear that a conversation is agitating people, stop talking about it. By continuing the conversation, you’re only making people uncomfortable and alienating yourself. Also, the people you’re trying to talk to don't owe you a conversation. So, don’t act like they’re being unreasonable when you’re being obnoxious about it. If you want to rage at other people about politics or uncomfortable subjects, find a community that lets you.
2. 'I was only joking, stop being so sensitive'
You know, jokes are supposed to be funny. Whenever people say this, it’s usually after they say something purposefully hurtful, or just not thoughtful to the people around them. Like, dude. We know you weren’t totally joking. Stop backpedaling and own the fact that you’re trying to get a reaction.
I tend to stop hanging out after hearing this phrase for the first time. If you’ve been wondering why people stopped inviting you, making awful "jokes" and backpedaling might be why.
3. 'Oh, you’re wearing that? You’re brave…'
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I saw this a lot with people in my former jobs in New York, all fashionable and trendy. Well, a lot of the girls there played the Mean Girl role pretty well to keep others in line. Incidentally, none of them remained friends after they stopped working there. Those who did were often part of the same clique minus the ringleader.
Yours truly stayed in contact with several people who were fired, often for years afterward. Those who were HBIC, on the other hand, were not even involved in the fashion industry years later, and none of their cronies stayed in touch.
Truth be told, everyone eventually drops the girls who act like Queen Bee when the Queen Bee stops having power. Nobody likes them because they’re judgmental, hateful, and insecure.
4. '[Hate speech]'
I’ll never understand why so many people think saying hateful things is a good idea, especially when they don’t know the person or know the person is friends with the group they’re hating on. Like, why? Hate begets hate. It’s how things naturally go.
If you’re going to be a hateful jerk, don’t be shocked when people distance themselves from you. It’s not becoming of you, and it puts people on edge.
What’s baffling is how many people don’t put two and two together. What’s even more impressive is that when people start to get radicalized toward hateful stuff, they begin to notice people walking away as a result. And it never seems to click!
5. 'So, anyway, did you hear about that coworker?'
So, I’ll be the first to admit that I got to the point where I was desperate for acceptance at one job. I didn’t know how to make it happen, so I became the office gossip, which promptly cost me any chance of making the inner circle.
I heard them talking back, so I wanted to show that I could do it, too. Welp, that backfired horribly. Mea culpa, people. I learned my lesson. Gossip isn't charming, especially when you’re tearing others down behind their back. I’m proud to say I stopped that stuff and grew as a person. I wish I had stuck to my principles before that.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
