People Who Can Instantly Turn Around A Bad Conversation Usually Say 2 Phrases In Casual Conversation

When a relationship begins to grow deeper, it often feels like your partner's problems become yours and vice versa. For your relationship to make it through this stage, you have to have a reciprocal level of responsibility and show up for one another.

So what happens when one partner tends to be defensive or reactive? How can the less-defensive partner help settle that person without turning into their caretaker? The answer lies in having healthy boundaries and knowing how to turn a bad conversation around while making sure your actions and your language represent the security of your love. Clinical psychologist Dr. Aria Campbell Danesh discusses the phrases people use to turn around a conversation that's quickly heading south. 

People who can turn around a bad conversation usually say these phrases casually:

1. 'I'm listening'

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"When your partner speaks, be curious and avoid interrupting," begins Dr. Danesh. Ideally, you'd want your partner to feel heard and seen. This all starts with active listening, and using the casual phrase, 'I am listening.' (Seems basic, but it centers the conversation and forces mindfulness.) 

Understandably, some of us may struggle with active listening; if that's you, try fixing your body language first.  The Center for Creative Leadership writes that things like eye contact, leaning forward, not interrupting, and giving a person time to respond are all examples of active listening.

Also, restating what you hear, reflecting on their feelings, and asking open-ended questions can all help your partner feel listened to as well. Danesh explains that doing this will help them to feel heard and will reduce their need to defend themselves."

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2. 'You are safe'

Don't be afraid to open up to your partner and express how you're feeling. Because nine times out of ten, they're probably feeling the same way. I get it, opening up is a lot easier said than done.

Dr. Danesh tells us to "Share your feelings and your experiences openly, which will then encourage your partner to lower their defenses." If you want to have a strong, trusting relationship with your partner, you need to get comfortable in the uncomfortable.

Don't forget, human beings are social creatures who crave, no, need a connection to thrive. Meaning, your partner needs to feel connected to you if they're going to get vulnerable with you.

But how do we get there? Well, licensed counselor Kari Rusnak has some suggestions:

• Share goals you have in the future
• Talk about your lack of vulnerability in your relationship and how you'd like to remedy that
• Share about past experiences that have hurt you
• Initiate physical touches like hugs or forehead kisses
• Talk about your day together and how you felt during that day

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Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.