Mom Wonders How To Tell Her Son's Best Friend's Parents That Their Son Is A Bully — 'He'd Rather Be With His Nice Friends'
Honesty is usually the best policy.
Robert Kneschke | Shutterstock Friendships can be challenging, especially when there are young children involved.
One mom found herself in a particularly difficult situation when her son no longer wanted to continue his friendship with his best friend because the other child was not particularly kind.
The boy's mom wondered how to tell her son's best friend's parents that their son was a bully.
“My son, Ben, is almost 6,” the concerned mom explained on Reddit. “He’s been ‘best friends’ with Will, 6, since they met as toddlers at preschool. Between school and summer camp, they’ve spent the majority of the past three years together.”
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While their friendship has flourished, things haven’t always been rosy between Ben and Will.
“We’ve had issues in the past with Will being aggressive and a bit mean towards Ben,” she wrote. “It seems to come and go, and Will’s parents are somewhat aware of it, though they’re extremely permissive about it. Our nannies are wonderful and keep a close eye on the boys because of this.”
A recent trip out of town showcased just how problematic their friendship had become.
“We recently went out of town with Will’s parents and left the boys with the nannies,” the mom continued. “Apparently Will was awful to my son, constantly hitting and kicking him. Calling him ugly and a loser. After hearing this, I checked our playroom camera to see what happened and it broke my heart.”
In the footage, she saw Will rip toys out of her son's hands, get in his face, and step on his toys.
"At one point [Will] grabbed my son by his shirt and threw him to the ground as hard as he could,” she recounted. “Will is much bigger than Ben. My son wasn’t doing anything, it was all unprovoked.”
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The mom offered her thoughts on why she thought Will was acting this way.
“Will has an older brother who is 10 and has ODD and autism. I mention this because I think the way Will treats Ben is a reflection of how Will is being treated by his older brother,” she said.
"At the end of the day, I don’t care where the behavior is coming from," the mom added. "I won’t allow my son to be bullied."
The friend's behavior during a parents’ trip was the catalyst for the mom's son to end their friendship.
“When we got home from the trip, my son said he never wants to see Will again,” the mom stated. “My son said his friends in his class at school don’t treat him like Will does and he’d rather be with his ‘nice’ friends.”
Ben’s parents are totally supportive of his choice.
"Luckily they’re in different classes at school and don’t see each other until pick up," the Redditor wrote. "We’ve canceled all shared activities and I’ve been telling Will’s mom that Ben is sick, though she texts me every few days asking when we can resume our weekly playdates."
Now, this mom is stuck in an uncomfortable spot. She has to decide what exactly to disclose to Will’s parents about why Ben doesn’t want to see him anymore. Making the situation even more complicated is the fact that she’s close friends with Will’s mother.
This mom is doing a great job supporting her son.
Pediatrician Dr. Peter Roloff from Children’s Wisconsin said that one of the most important things you can do for your children during a “friendship breakup” is to “validate their feelings.”
Dr. Roloff further recommended not writing this off as “immature drama,” but rather recognizing that this “can trigger a wide range of overwhelming emotions in your child.”
As for what the mom should do, commenters as a whole suggested she be honest with Will's parents.
“I would show his parents the video and have the conversation from there,” one Reddit user advised.” Another commenter agreed, adding that telling the other mom the truth is “the kindest thing you can do.”
“If you don’t tell the mom, she has no ability to address the issue, which would be in everyone’s best interest,” another Redditor pointed out. “Tell her as kindly as you can. Don’t use labels like ‘bully’ but describe the actions he took. Express concern for him but don’t diagnose him or say he needs help.”
What’s most important is that these parents continue to support their son and the choices he makes. So far, they have definitely done an excellent job with that.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.