Lust And Violence Reimagined: The Real Story Of Men, Women, And Control
Men are not at war with our biology. We are in conversation with it.
Nicolas Tsakos | Unsplash Social media is a wild ecosystem of emotions, metaphors, and half-truths. One day, it teaches self-awareness, the next, it spreads pseudoscience. Scroll long enough and you’ll see something that feels profound, but leaves you wondering if it’s actually true.
Recently, a reel went viral. A deep, confident male voice declared that boys are born with two dogs at their side. One called Lust, the other Violence. The message landed like gospel. The comments poured in, mostly from women saying, Finally, this explains everything. A few men agreed or stayed silent, perhaps relieved someone had named their internal battle.
It was compelling, emotional, and easy to believe. But it was not true. At least, not in the way it was told.
Lust and violence reimagined, the real story:
Why the story caught fire
We are all drawn to explanations that make emotional sense. The metaphor of two dogs fighting inside every man gave a name to what women have witnessed and what men have felt but could not always explain. It offered comfort, a way to categorize chaos. Yet when we look closely at the science, the picture that emerges is more complex and far more hopeful.
What biology actually says: Genes do not dictate destiny. They set the stage, but experience writes the script.
Aggression is not a male birthright
Studies of twins and families show that some people inherit sensitivities that can tilt them toward aggression. The MAOA gene is often discussed because one of its variants, combined with early abuse or neglect, raises the likelihood of impulsive outbursts. Yet in safe and nurturing homes, that same gene stays quiet.
Environment, culture, and care decide which dog gets fed.
Hormones respond to context
Testosterone is not the hormone of violence. It rises with competition, pride, and achievement, as well as with affection and sex. In stable, emotionally safe relationships, testosterone supports vitality and focus. In fear or humiliation, it can turn reactive. Hormones are not moral forces. They are amplifiers of circumstance.
Women are also have these 'two dogs'
Lust and aggression are human energies, not male ones. Both women and men possess them. Society simply rewards or punishes their expression differently. Culture paints men’s desire as dangerous and women’s anger as unacceptable. The result is misunderstanding on both sides.
Epigenetics is also an influence. If genetics is the keyboard, epigenetics is the musician. It decides which keys are pressed, how loudly, and for how long. The music it plays is shaped by stress, nurture, nutrition, love, and even belief.
When aggression is learned, it can be unlearned
Early trauma can silence the NR3C1 gene that manages our stress response. This makes a person more reactive, more likely to fight or flee when threatened. Therapy, safe connection, and calm environments can reactivate that gene. Intergenerational trauma, where a parent’s fear shapes a child’s biology, can also soften when safety and empathy replace threat. Violence, then, is not inborn. It is conditioned and reversible.
When lust evolves, it deepens
Sexual drive is influenced by hormones and neural reward systems, but it is also sculpted by emotional experience. Healthy affection, consistency, and emotional reliability increase oxytocin, the bonding hormone. That same system, under stress or shame, can redirect desire into compulsion or avoidance. Lust can become either sacred or destructive depending on the environment that shapes it.
Control is not suppression
The real control of lust and violence is not about silencing desire or aggression. It is about transforming them into creative and protective forces. In biological language, control means neuro-epigenetic regulation.
Through movement, meditation, healthy intimacy, rest, and emotional honesty, we literally rewrite how our genes express themselves. The brain and body adapt. The dogs calm down. They learn to work together.
Control is not the absence of impulse. It is the integration of power with consciousness.
Why this matters to all of us
The viral story wasn’t wrong to sense that something primal lives inside us. It was simply named poorly. The truth is not about two battling dogs inside a man. It is about an entire ecosystem of drives inside all of us, shaped and reshaped by experience.
- When a man learns safety, his aggression becomes protection, not harm.
- When a woman is seen without judgment, her anger becomes clarity, not fear.
- When either learns connection, lust becomes intimacy, not escape.
Epigenetics reveals that change is not only emotional. It is biological. Every act of compassion, accountability, or affection leaves a chemical signature that can ripple through generations.
A more hopeful truth
We are not at war with our biology. We are in conversation with it.
Lust and violence are not curses we inherit. They are energies we can direct. They can feed destruction, or they can power creation. When we understand that biology listens to how we live, we stop being prisoners of instinct and become conductors of evolution.
- To the women who found relief in the Two Dogs of lust and violence story, your intuition was right. You were sensing the tension between care and harm, passion and power.
- To the men who felt accused by it, your instincts were right as well. You were never meant to fight your nature, only to learn how to guide it.
The science of epigenetics does not erase the metaphor. It completes it.
Larry Michel is a relationship coach & founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics and author of LASTING: 11 Illuminations & Essential Questions for a Co-Creative Evolutionary Partnership. Larry’s science uncovers how people's unique genetic coding drives every relationship decision, including who they're drawn to as partners.
