The Actually Useful Life Skills Even Highly Educated People Didn't Learn In School
AYO Production | Shutterstock While we spend a significant portion of our lives in school, all too often, we leave with basically no life skills education. That's not just impractical, it affects many areas of their lives. According to the NEA, people who receive a life skills education actually become better students, citizens, friends and even better to their families.
Without these real skills, their options in life become more limited.
13 life skills that don't get taught in school, no matter how educated you are:
1. Interpreting emotions and expressing them appropriately
Interpreting your emotions is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. We often ignore the messages that difficult emotions send, since the hurt they bring to the surface is so hard to face. But when we do that, those feelings don't actually go away. They tend to lurk below the surface, influencing us in ways we don't realize.
Feeling all our feelings is a hallmark of emotional intelligence and a stepping stone to accepting and validating our emotional experience. Once we can do that, we don't have to let our emotions run away with us.
2. Knowing how to negotiate
Negotiation isn’t an innate skill. Yes, some people are more bold and are naturally more likely to push back on a first offer, but it takes practice for anyone, along with a clear understanding of how to be persuasive and position yourself to get what you want, in order to be effective.
According to Kelsey Miller at Harvard Business School, being a strong negotiator requires people to define their role and outline their goals in a comprehensive way. It also requires some emotional lifting. You have to know your own worth, acknowledge the other person’s perspective, and be aware of what your boundaries are.
Setting goals for negotiation includes thinking about the Zone of Possible Agreement, also known as the bargaining zone. Miller described ZOPA as “the range in which you and other parties can find common ground,” noting that a positive zone means that the terms both parties are willing to agree to overlap, while a negative zone means they’re at odds. If a bargaining zone is negative, the next course of action is to consider the BATNA, or best alternative to a negotiated agreement. It’s essentially a back-up plan that ensures you leave the negotiation with some gains.
Negotiation can be nerve-wracking, but it’s a key part of getting ahead in your career and establishing longevity in the workplace, making it a skill that will pay you for the rest of your life.
3. Understanding digital and media literacy
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Digital literacy, which is an off-shoot of media literacy, is a life skill people don’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. While some schools are incorporating digital media literacy into their curriculum, it’s not a requirement, so most people graduate without a solid understanding of how to successfully exist in a digital world.
According to the authors of “The Handbook of Children and Screens,” digital media literacy “takes into account the full range of skills needed to read, write, speak, view, and participate in online space,” along with “the ability to access, analyze, evaluate, create, and participate with media in all its forms.”
When a kid (or even an adult, let's be honest!) sees something online, they need to be able to ask themselves whether it's real, first of all. Then they need to learn how to check a reputable source to verify the facts presented.
Finally, they need to be able to consider what is the motivation of the person sharing it. What do they want you to do with the information? Could they be biased? And what's in your best interest here? Does it align with what the sharer wants you to do?
This level of media and digital literacy makes dramatic differences in people's lives.
4. How to plan for a successful financial future
Some aspects of financial planning are built into school curriculums, but it’s not especially widespread. This means that essential knowledge on how to actually build wealth and hold onto it can be difficult to access.
The World Economic Forum reported that 40% of potential investors chose not to invest because they didn’t know how to or found the process confusing, 53% said they would be more likely to invest if a financial advisor recommended it, and 65% said they would invest more if they had more opportunities to learn about the topic.
They also reported that Gen-Z and Millennials have lower levels of trust in financial institutions. Younger generations also have different financial goals than previous generations. They want holistic financial advice, which includes budgeting, saving, debt management, and retirement preparedness, all of which support financial resilience over the course of someone’s lifetime.
Having access to holistic financial advice can save a typical household $4,384 a year, showing that knowing how to manage your money is a skill that will absolutely pay you for the rest of your life.
5. Mindfulness
Mindfulness training can improve a crucial aspect of thinking: Our ability to pay attention and understand the world around us.
Despite its extensive benefits, mindfulness is a skill people can’t learn in school, even though it will pay you for the rest of your life.
Mindfulness educator Case Kenny explains this practice in a really helpful way, saying, “we think about mindfulness as this tool to know ourselves and to be present in how we feel,” he says. But “mindfulness is also learning to talk to yourself… Mindfulness on its own, when it’s just listening, I think we’re missing half the battle. I think that’s why a lot of people are cut off from it.”
Being mindful is an effective way to manage anxiety and stress, and it helps people know themselves on a deeper level, a skill that will pay you for the rest of your life.
6. Cultivating trust both personally and professionally
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As much as people like to think of themselves as independent, the reality is that we all need each other to survive and thrive. Being able to authentically build trusting relationships is key not just to finding a partner and building a family, but also for your career.
To do that, someone needs to know how to be a good listener, first and foremost. If you're not listening, you're not showing up for the people you care about, full stop. On top of that, you commit to doing what you say you'll do and sharing your feelings openly but with compassion.
When you approach relationships from a place of compassion and warmth, you can cultivate trust in a way that will pay you for the rest of your life.
7. How to handle rejection and managing expectations
Disappointment is an unavoidable part of being human, but knowing how to manage expectations can take at least some of the sting out of being let down. Think of the person who asks someone out on a date, and the person says no. That person has two choices: be gracious and manage their sadness and maybe even embarassment on their own, or get mad and sullen and lash out against them, either directly to them or behind their back.
Which person do you want to be and which would you want your child to be? While most examples aren't this dramatic, learning how to handle rejection and having reasonable expectations of others is key to being a healthy adult. This extends to the workplace and friendships, too.
Managing expectations isn’t about being cynical or pessimistic, rather, it’s about being practical and protecting yourself from harm. You can’t force anyone to show up for you if they’re unwilling or unable to do so, and integrating that essential truth into how you approach relationships can save you major heartache.
Once you understand that you can’t control other people’s emotions or actions, you gain a sense of peace that pays you for the rest of your life.
8. Household maintenace and cleaning skills
Basic household maintenance is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Daily existence is full of hidden costs, which is one reason why figuring out how to fix things around the house is such a valuable skill to have.
Schools don’t teach this type of maintenance, which means when your faucet starts dripping or the tiles in the bathroom need to be regrouted, you have to hire a professional, which can put a serious dent in your savings. Doing small fixes in the moment can help protect you from having to do any major overhauls later on, yet most people don’t even know where to start, which is where the magic of the internet comes in.
You can find endless resources about household maintenance online, from how-to videos to step-by-step instructions. Teaching yourself how to do small repairs is empowering and practical, and it’s a life skill that will pay you for the rest of your life.
9. Meal preparation and basic nutrition skills
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Meal planning and preparation is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Maybe you learned about the food pyramid in elementary school, only to discover later on in life that its standards for nutrition were totally wrong. Since Home Ec classes disappeared by the time Gen-X was in school, most people graduated high school without any knowledge of how to cook for themselves.
Meal planning might seem like a lot of labor, but it actually saves time and money in the long run. Mapping out what you’re eating for the week allows you to walk into a grocery store knowing exactly what to buy, so you don’t leave with three different kinds of mustard but none of the staple foods you need.
Knowing basic kitchen skills is beneficial, even if you’re not a professional chef. Preparing well-balanced and cost-effective meals keeps you nourished and shows you know how to take care of yourself, which is not only an essential life skill, but an act of self-love.
10. Being able to make small talk
Mastering how to engage in small talk is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. We tend to think of small talk as a fairly meaningless endeavor, but effective small talk acts as a bridge, connecting people through casual conversation.
Having excellent social skills is rooted in having a warm, accessible approach. While this may not come naturally for everyone, it's something you can learn and practice. Being curious and asking questions is a great way to do it.
For example, if you meet someone at a party, you can ask, "What do you do for work?" When they answer, offer a follow-up question like, "Do you enjoy that?" or "How did you get into that?" Adding little fillers like, "That sounds so interesting" or "I never thought about that" when appropriate can make anyone seem like a great conversationalist!
11. Knowing when and with whom you can be authentic
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Too often, our time at school teaches us how to shield who we really are to fit in with the crowd. Most teenagers are scared of standing out, because it might make others think that they’re weird or different or totally uncool. Being true to yourself requires you to know what makes you feel fulfilled, so you can live a life that’s aligned with your values.
People will often say, "Just be yourself!" as if that is great blanket advice, but the people who have a ton of options for their future know what parts of themselves to reveal, when, and with whom. Sometimes fitting in with the crowd is key, and as long as you're living true to your values, it can be helpful to know how to blend in.
But life-long and deep relationships require authenticity. Even being great at your job does, sometimes. That's why the skill isn't "how to be yourself in every single situation" but rather "knowing when and how to reveal your most authentic self".
12. Self-reflection and accountability
Having the tools to be self-reflective is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Taking a deep dive into your psyche can be intimidating, yet being reflective is the key to knowing who you really are. It involves thinking about how you think, how you act, how you treat yourself and others. Self-reflection expands our self-awareness, which allows us to grow into who we’re meant to be.
Through self-reflection, we’re able to assess ourselves in a way that helps us feel more at home in our existence. This creates true emotional intelligence, which is absolutely key for building a strong future with lots of options, professionally and personally.
Self-reflection allows you to look back at a mistake without spiraling into debilitating shame, so you can learn from what happend. It also allows you to step back from any type of relationship so you can see what role you're playing and make sure it feels authentic and true to your values and what you want from yourself.
Self-reflection is also key in order to be good at apologizing. If you can't get real with yourself about your actions or choices and how they affect other people, you can't truly be accountable, and that will hold someone back for life.
13. Walking away from what no longer serves you
Walking away from things that no longer serve you is a life skill people can’t learn in school that will pay you for the rest of your life. Part of becoming your fullest self means letting go of the past, accepting the present, and acknowledging that you can’t control what’s to come. It also means giving yourself space to evolve, which requires some form of actionable change.
Implementing those changes can be intimidating. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that you’ve outgrown patterns of behavior or the people you’ve surrounded yourself with, until now. Yet releasing what’s no longer working for you casts a kind of spell, one that guides you toward renewal, transformation, and the abundance you deserve.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a staff writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
