Husband Says His 'Confidence Is Broken' After Secretly Reading His Wife’s Journal
He read her private journal, and feels hurt by what he learned.
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock For many, a journal is where they write their innermost thoughts and feelings. It can be very personal, and is usually intended for no one's eyes but their own. One husband admitted to breaching his wife's privacy and secretly reading her journal. It backfired, of course, and he's left questioning what to do about the information he learned.
The husband admitted that his 'confidence is broken' after secretly reading his wife's journal.
"I was recently going through the closet in the master bedroom to clear out items for donation and came across my wife’s journal," the man wrote to Slate's advice column. "When I read it, I learned that she thinks I’m terrible in bed!"
Michael Burrows | Pexels
He admitted that this information came as a complete shock. They've been married for years, and he believed they had a satisfying intimate life.
"Now my confidence is broken," he confessed. It's been over a week since he read his wife's diary, and he's been avoiding any intimate time between the two of them since. "She’s beginning to wonder what’s going on. What do I do about this?" he asked, signing the letter, "Wounded Pride."
Slate's columnist stressed that his wife has every right to be angry about his violation of her privacy.
While the man seemed mainly concerned about what he read in his wife's journal, Slate's columnist, Jessica, first addressed his questionable actions.
"Most people in the world have a taboo around reading people’s private communications and writings. Part of why that taboo is so valuable is that sometimes we need a space to vent and express things more messily and impulsively than we would in a conversation with the person involved in those very thoughts and feelings," she wrote. "In your wife’s case, she chose a method of venting that would have likely remained completely protected if you had refrained from violating her privacy."
That doesn't mean Jessica believes he should ignore what he read, though. It's clear that he and his wife need to have an honest conversation, but the columnist suggested he do some reflecting first.
"You want to get to a point where you can calmly admit to your mistake and broach a conversation about what you’re feeling," she advised, suggesting he journal or lean on a trusted friend. "Your wife would be within her rights to be angry about your reading her diary and want to postpone digging into the details of your emotions, much less any discussion of how to repair the relationship or what she’s missing."
"When the two of you are ready to sort through your sex life, focus on listening and collaborating," Jessica stressed. "Be curious. Look for solutions and areas of overlap in preferences. Do your best to approach this as a team problem-solving effort, instead of an indictment of your abilities."
Conversations like these can be difficult, but they are often necessary.
Many couples struggle to openly discuss their problems, especially ones pertaining to intimacy. Although these conversations can feel daunting or like a threat to your relationship, honest communication is best. Without it, nothing will improve.
RDNE Stock Project | Pexels
"Plenty of research shows that couples who have open conversations about sexual issues are also more satisfied with their relationships. However, too many people would rather put up with an unhappy sex life than have that dreaded conversation," psychology professor David Ludden pointed out.
He explained that "conflict communication" is particularly difficult because humans are motivated to avoid negative emotions. People often avoid talking to their partner about sensitive topics because they don't want to get hurt or hurt their partner. However, avoiding these conversations can be equally, if not more, painful in the long run.
You can't run from conflict. It's an inevitable part of all relationships, romantic, platonic, or even professional. The best way to handle it is head-on. Remember, conflict communication doesn't have to be the end of the relationship; rather, it offers a fresh start.
"Wounded Pride," as he described himself, has a difficult conversation ahead of him. Not only must he broach an uncomfortable topic, but he also must admit to reading his partner's private journal. However, sometimes the hardest conversations end up being the most productive.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
