How To Pull Yourself Out Of A Deep Funk In 8 Easy, Research-Backed Steps
You don't have to feel better, you just have to do something different than you are right now.
STELKO via Shutterstock So many of us, myself included, find we have to fake it till we make it when we're feeling sad. Life is busy with work, family, friends, pets — who wants to be, or even has time to be, sad?
Unfortunately, it can be very hard not to give in to the sadness and let it pull you into a deep funk. When you are in a deep funk, it is perplexing to find a way out, but you are not alone. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, "In 2021, an estimated 14.5 million U.S. adults aged 18 or older had at least one major depressive episode with severe impairment in the past year. This number represented 5.7% of all U.S. adults." And there are ways you can help reduce the depth of your funk.
Here's how to pull yourself out of a deep funk in 8 easy, research-backed steps:
1. Get out of bed
This might seem fairly obvious, but for many people, the act of simply getting out of bed when they're depressed feels impossible.
The inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world, is almost irresistible when you're depressed. The bed is comfy, cozy, and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling. This is likely an unhealthy cognitive distortion, a way of thinking that is almost "magical" in its lack of connection to reality. Still, it can feel very real while you are stuck in it.
If you're trapped in your bed, get out of it. After all, facing the reality of your situation is one great way to break out of this cognitive error or distortion.
I've known people who take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some pile their mattresses with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets — whatever it takes to keep them out of bed.
Out of bed, it’s way more likely you will be able to do something other than lie around, ruminating about how horrible you feel.
2. Do what makes you feel good
eldar nurkovic via Shutterstock
When you're struggling with sadness and depression, the inclination is to collapse into your life. You stay in bed, don’t shower or eat well, and cut off contact with those you love.
Let me tell you: if you're feeling sad, collapsing is the worst thing you can do. Instead, it's important to do things to make you feel good. Take a walk. Spend time with friends. Take a bath. Do yoga. Binge on some fun TV. Go to the movies. Take a road trip.
It seems hard now, but ask yourself what you usually enjoy doing. Or ask a friend. Doing something to make you happy will raise your endorphins and help you manage your sadness. European Psychiatry research on endorphins "shows that their impact on human behavior is modulatory, with the main goal not being “happiness” but a “return to the most desirable state” – which can be highly context-dependent."
3. Take care of yourself
After my mom died, I fell apart. Getting off the couch was next to impossible. Tequila was my closest companion, with ice cream a close second.
Fortunately for me, a friend saw what I was doing to myself and helped get me back on track. I started going to yoga, getting more sleep, eating better, and drinking lots of water. I started spending more time outdoors in the sunshine because the warmth of the sun felt good on my body, and the Vitamin D provided by the sun is a natural antidepressant, as shown by research from the Archives of Internal Medicine.
If I hadn’t started taking care of myself, if I hadn’t made my body stronger, my sadness would only have gotten worse.
4. Keep your mind active
Unfortunately, when you’re feeling sad, your worst enemy is your brain. While you're lying on the couch feeling sorry for yourself, your brain is actively buying into it all.
"You're a loser," it says. "You have no friends. You aren’t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job." And on and on.
And chances are, none of those things are true. You're not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you're talented, love is out there, and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you're depressed, just doesn’t go there.
It's really important to keep your brain busy. A study from Mindfulness Journal showed how yoga is a really good way to do this — you're so busy trying to figure out the pose, you don’t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.
You can also try reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, and working. Meditation is also an option.
5. Write it out
Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great. If you don’t, it could be time to start.
Negative thoughts are four times more powerful in your head than after they have been spoken or written. Think about it — the last time you were stuck listening to those negative voices, didn’t you feel much better when you shared them with someone? Yes. Even if your problems weren’t solved, at least they weren’t rolling around in your head, making things messy.
Writing about how you're feeling, why things make you sad, or whatever it is stuck in your head can be an excellent way to fake it till you make it, especially if you don’t have someone with whom to share your sadness. Case studies published in 2014 demonstrated, "When integrated into an overall treatment plan, regardless of the therapist's clinical orientation, journaling can become a dynamic tool for personal growth and healing."
When you have no one to talk to when you are feeling sad, writing allows you to get your sadness out of your head and onto paper. And when you see your feelings on a piece of paper in front of you, it's much easier to manage instead of having them rolling around in your brain.
6. Spend time with friends, but choose carefully
Unstoppable Art via Shutterstock
One of the most important things to manage when you’re feeling sad is your environment. Your bed and your PJs might feel like the right thing to do, but you know they're not.
The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you're feeling depressed. If there are people in your life who bring you down, then avoiding them when you aren’t doing well is very important. After all, research has shown that support from family, partners or friends can help greatly in recovering from depression or other serious life events.
My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending it didn’t exist or telling me to just snap out of it.
Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn’t doing well. It was best for both of us. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now.
7. Know that feeling sad isn’t a sign of weakness
Admit you are struggling. So many people struggling with depression judge themselves. You're taught to be tough, not let emotions overwhelm you, and to "get over it." You look at those around you and assume everyone else is fine, it is only you who's such a loser.
But this is not true. Sadness and depression are real things. While you may think you should suck it up and be happy, sometimes it just isn’t possible. Sometimes you're just sad. And it’s OK. Some days will just be sad days — but that doesn't mean they'll be forever. Try to stay in the moment and not generalize how you're feeling now to "forever".
8. Fake it 'til you make it, as the old adage goes
In many ways, it's sad we have to "fake it till we make it" when we are feeling sad. And it won't always work. But research has shown that faking a smile can sometimes help people feel better. This won't always work and it has limitations, but it can be worth a try!
Of course, itt shouldn't be done as a way to pretend you're not struggling. It's something to do in addition to seeking help and support, exercising, getting out of bed and all of the other tips in this list.
"Fake it till you make it" means to pretend to have confidence or expertise in a specific area, even if you don't necessarily have those skills or qualities. The idea behind the phrase is that by outwardly presenting yourself as knowledgeable, you can gain the needed experience or opportunities to lead you to success.
The concept is more about believing in yourself and working towards growth, as opposed to being deceptive or claiming false qualifications. People often use the term in the workplace or when they step out of their comfort zones to embrace challenges, learning on the go.
But "faking it till you make it" can also be applied to seeking out happiness. Many experts believe people can behave their way into thinking differently.
Your depression doesn't define you
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if society as a whole were willing to accept that depression is a thing and give us space to be depressed openly? Knowing how to get through your sadness is a key part of not letting it derail your life.
When you're feeling sad, first and foremost, get out of bed. Take care of yourself. Do something fun. Control your thoughts and accept this is how things are for now.
All of those things will allow you to keep moving forward when you are depressed. And sometimes, if you keep moving forward, it will help with your depression.
All of this being said, if you're feeling depressed and you find it isn’t going away, it is derailing your life, it is essential that you see your doctor. What you are dealing with might be more than sadness, and your doctor can help you figure out ways to deal with it.
But for now, get out there. Live! You can do it!
Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them be all they want to be. Mitzi's bylines have appeared in The Good Men Project, MSN, PopSugar, Prevention, Huffington Post, Psych Central, among many others.
