Texas High School Football Coach Refuses To Give Students 'Woke' Water Breaks—'If You Don't Like It Go To Theater Camp'
"Fellas, is it gay to drink water and not die of dehydration in record-breaking heat?"
South_agency / Getty Images Signature / Canva Pro Gather 'round, citizens, for we have yet another new thing that is considered "woke" by conservatives: drinking water and not dying of dehydration in record-breaking heat!
That's according to a high school athletic coach who has infuriated people on the internet with a social media post mocking students and their parents as liberal crybabies for asking for water.
The high school football coach won't give water breaks because they're 'woke.'
It's only June, and already giant swathes of the country have had record-breaking heat waves, just as public schools started letting out — which for high school football players means weeks of intensive football practice in dangerous temperatures.
So naturally, the parents of said football players are a bit concerned, right? Hard athletic work in that kind of heat is one of the ways people, you know, DIE in heat waves.
Not in this football coach's world, though! Because he believes extra water breaks are for sissy "woke" liberals or something.
Of course, calling any and everything they don't like "woke," even though when asked, they can almost never define what the slang term even means, has become a conservative article of faith nowadays. But water breaks for children practicing in record-breaking heat? So they don't die of heat stroke? Somehow being an evil liberal ideology or something? Well, that's a whole new level of delusion, and it's got people online slack-jawed.
The coach claims that 'nobody has ever died' from heat and that practicing without water breaks 'forges boys into men.'
It's unknown where the post came from, but presumably it was sparked by complaints from parents worried about their kids' safety. "I want to put an end to the texts and voicemails I've been getting in regards to practice," the coach wrote.
What followed is utterly astonishing.
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"It gets hot," the coach snidely wrote, "Welcome to Texas." He then explained that the team trains extra hard in the heat on purpose because "it builds character and forges boys into men and men into an unbreakable team." Oh, brother.
It gets dumber from there. "The simple fact is that nobody has ever died from it being too warm outside, so no, we will NOT be doing 15-minute water breaks every hour or any other suggestion you may have," the coach wrote.
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The problem is that that is wildly, astonishingly, preposterously untrue. Heat stroke is actually the third most common cause of death among student-athletes, coming in hot (sorry) right behind cardiac arrest and traumatic brain injuries.
And speaking of 15-minute water breaks, heat stroke can come on in as little as 10-15 minutes. The coach was unfazed, however. "The players will get breaks when and if myself and the other coaches feel it's warranted," he added. Cool story bro, sounds like someone wants to get sued when one of his players keels over!
The coach's post also implied that wanting to drink water and not die of heat stroke is somehow gay.
You knew it was coming. Where there's an accusation of something being "woke," there is also an accusation of it somehow having to do with the supposedly corrupting influence of LGBTQ+ people, and this folksy Texas football coach is no exception.
"Remember that playing a team sport… is ENTIRELY VOLUNTARY," the coach wrote, "and if you or your son don't like it, just have them quit and go join theater camp where they can sit inside in the Air Conditioning all day and use their pronouns."
Uh oh, new meme alert! It has become a frequent internet culture joke to mock this kind of inanity with the phrase, "Fellas, is it gay to [add weird conservative gay-panic bugaboo here]." So say it with me: "Fellas, is it gay to drink water and not die of heat stroke?"
It certainly is in this coach's world! He followed up his swipe at theater kids and pronouns by declaring, "As long as they're on MY FIELD, I believe in WORK, not WOKE!" Okay then, sir!
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But given that even the U.S. military has strict rules about taking breaks every 20-30 minutes in heat over 85 degrees, you really, REALLY might want to have a lawyer on retainer. Wrongful death is a heck of a charge! Just a tip!
And to the high school who employs this guy: You might want to do your students a solid and hire a different football coach, because this one's brain is cooked. Maybe it's the heat!
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice, and human interest topics.