People Genuinely Liked By Everyone They Meet Usually Do 2 Casual Things In Conversation
Chay_Tee | Shutterstock Some people have a natural ability to draw people to them, and it might seem like they have some magic trait that makes them genuinely more likable. The reality is much more simple.
Cole Jenette, a life coach, notes that human interaction is hard, but it doesn't have to be. It's based on the golden rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. When it comes to being likable, it's all about making others feel the way you want to feel. Jeanette suggests starting here.
Two things people who are liked by pretty much everyone do in casual conversations:
1. They're curious about the things others care about
Jennette shared the wisdom he’s collected over the years in regard to creating true, lasting connections with people.
“It’s so strange that you could leave a conversation with somebody; they leave thinking you’re awesome but know nothing about you,” he said. “And that’s because the golden rule of likability has nothing to do with you.”
“It has nothing to do with what you’re good at, what cool stories that you could share, what cool tidbits that you could add, what facts you know, how good you are at your job, how much money you make; it has nothing to do with any of those things,” he explained.
Rather, getting people to like you depends on how you make them feel. Jennette quotes Maya Angelou, who said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Jacob Lund | Shutterstock
Instead of talking only about yourself in a conversation, ask questions about the other person: What do they do when they’re not at work? Where did they grow up? What’s the last great book they read or movie they saw?
These simple yet intimate questions establish a sense of connection, and they show that you’re curious about the person you’re talking to. By making the conversation more about them than you, you make the other person feel like you want to get to know them better, which, hopefully, you do. People love to share what they’re passionate about, whether that’s the silly tricks they teach their pets or the new recipe they found.
Extending yourself and asking about another person’s interests highlights that you’re kind, thoughtful, and compassionate. It shows that you want to listen and get to know them better. Giving people the opportunity to express themselves makes them feel good about themselves and about you.
2. They give them genuine compliments
People also love being recognized for their positive traits, which is why another way to get people to adore you using the golden rule is to give them compliments that you actually mean. Jennette noted that there’s a difference between a genuine compliment and flattery, saying, “A genuine compliment uses information you actually have, and flattery uses stuff you don’t.”
Offering compliments works best when you focus on the things people pride themselves on, as opposed to more surface-level things like the outfit they’re wearing or how their hair looks. Tell people that you appreciate aspects of their personalities, like how they always make you laugh or how they think through tough problems without getting flustered.
“When you make other people feel great about themselves, they will love you,” Jennette reiterated. Giving real compliments is another technique that takes the focus off you and places it on the other person, which makes them feel seen and appreciated.
“Stop trying to prove something and go make other people feel great about themselves,” Jennette concluded. When we make others feel good, it makes us feel good, too, which is another reason to harness the power of the golden rule of likability.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
