Dating Coach Explains Why Men Don't Seem To Make Any Effort To Look Nice When Going Out With A Woman
Dmytro Zinkevych | Shutterstock We’ve all been in a situation where we see a man and woman out on a date somewhere nice, and there’s a stark contrast in their appearances. Dating coach Evan Marc Katz believes that because there are no societal expectations for men to look a certain way, they dress however they want to when on a date.
While the woman is perfectly polished and put together, the man looks like he just threw on the first thing he grabbed out of his closet. Think of the time and money a woman spends just to look her best. Could the same be said for the rumpled t-shirt and sneakers most men wear as a practical uniform?
It’s true that no one should be judged based on their appearance, but it is a little difficult not to wonder what’s going on when a woman is dressed up, and the man she’s with is decidedly not. There are a lot of different societal expectations for men's and women’s appearances, and according to Katz, that was probably at the root of the problem.
The fact that men don’t exactly know how to dress up, especially when out with a woman, is really bothering people.
A woman named Kristin wrote to dating coach Evan Marc Katz for some advice regarding the men she’s interacted with. She lamented, “It doesn’t matter if we go out to a nice restaurant to have some cocktails at the bar or dinner, these men are wearing button-up shirts, jeans, and then those heinous shoes!”
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Kristin revealed that she finds this “very disappointing” because she typically puts effort into her appearance and expects the same courtesy from men. She asked, “If the first date goes well by having good conversation and he’s attractive, but his dressing bothers me, is this something a woman can bring up the next time she’s asked out to a similar venue?”
Apparently, men get away with dressing down because they know they can.
If Kristin was hoping for some sympathy in Katz’s response, she didn’t really get any. He did admit, “I wouldn’t at all disagree with you that many men are woefully inattentive to their own appearance … Men, for the most part, are not told that their status or self-esteem is dependent on how they look.”
Unfortunately for Kristin, Katz said she was “fighting a losing battle with society.” He contended that men don’t make an effort to look nice because they don’t need to. Basically, even if they dress way too casually for an occasion, it’s still fine with them because women aren’t going to stop going out with them because of it.
This obviously presents a major double standard, but Katz thought there was little Kristin could do. He thought she shouldn’t make any comments about how a man dressed unless he was officially her boyfriend, and he noted that nobody was forcing her to date these men. However, if she didn’t, there’s surely another woman who would.
Katz may have presented Kristin with some tough love, but he’s not wrong.
Another person noticed this same issue and asked about it in a Reddit post. “Is it really as simple as men putting 20% of their effort into getting ready, while women give 110%?” they questioned.
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As bad as it is, it sounds like they hit the nail on the head. One commenter said, “They weren’t taught to be self-conscious, nor that their worth will be in great part measured by the way they look, therefore they don’t give it thought.”
Evolutionary psychologist Nigel Barber, PhD, explained that there are two different possibilities for this distinct difference between men and women. The first is that women’s concern with their appearance is “socially learned,” which most people would probably agree with. The other answer is a bit more interesting. Barber said that it’s possible that this phenomenon could be a result of evolution because women once had to try to win over the best men using nothing other than their looks.
It would be intriguing to know how much merit the evolutionary theory holds, but many seem to think the simple answer is that women are constantly told that their worth depends on their appearance. They feel a sense of pressure that men have never experienced. Until there’s a major shift in society, men are going to keep showing up on dates in a t-shirt and jeans.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
