5 Common Things People Do That Reveal They Don’t Trust Themselves At All
eldar nurkovic | Shutterstock Most people think self-trust is something you either have or you don't, but it's not that simple. Klara Kernig, a life coach who describes herself as a “people-pleasing expert,” focuses on helping others set boundaries to break their people-pleasing patterns of behavior. In an Instagram video, she revealed various traits people struggling with self-doubt inevitably have, even if they think their behavior is normal. (Spoiler alert: It's not.)
Research in the Journal of General Internal Medicine found that approximately 70% of people will experience imposter feelings at some point in their lives. The trouble is that self-doubt can slip into how we make decisions and how we speak to other people. It can also make us not trust ourselves — but once you start noticing these habits, it becomes a lot easier to understand what's really holding you back.
Here are 5 common things people do that reveal they don’t trust themselves at all:
1. People who don't trust themselves overthink every decision
A person who doubts themself often gets caught in a loop of overthinking the decisions they have to make, even the simple ones. As Kernig explained, overthinking is like running in place, “keeping you stuck in the deliberation stage instead of moving to action [that] can lead to progress.”
People caught in loops of self-doubt actually get stuck in a cycle of questioning their own conclusions, research from Stanford revealed. The longer you sit in this deliberation stage, the harder it becomes to trust any choice you finally make.
2. They let other people make choices for them
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When you’re in that phase of struggling to make a decision, you likely ask a lot of people their opinion on what you should do, because you haven’t learned to trust your own instincts. A more extreme version of that lack of trust leads you to let others make decisions for you, which creates the feeling that you’re not in control of your own life.
Life coach Michele Molitor pointed out that when we stop believing in our own accomplishments and abilities, we start outsourcing our decisions to everyone around us. Handing over that power feels safer in the moment, but it slowly chips away at your ability to trust yourself at all.
3. People who don't trust themselves rarely voice their opinion
A clear sign of doubting yourself is feeling so insecure that you don’t want to share your ideas with others. When you do share them, you preface what you think with an apology or a disclaimer that what you have to say isn’t actually important.
People with low confidence are less likely to speak up or advocate for their ideas, according to research by the American Psychological Association found. The belief that your thoughts aren't worth saying becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy — the less you share, the harder it gets to remember that you have something to contribute.
4. They compare themselves to others
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Social comparison theory explains that humans have a natural tendency to evaluate themselves against other people. The problem is that in today's world, we're mostly comparing our real lives to carefully curated social media feeds, which means we're rarely comparing apples to apples. Self-doubt can manifest itself in how we see ourselves in relation to other people.
As Kernig stated, “You compare yourself to others and often feel like you don’t measure up and that others are more successful, likable, and talented than you.” She explained that getting tangled up in comparison culture makes you feel like you’re less than, not enough, or behind the curve.
5. People who don't trust themselves downplay their accomplishments
Self-doubt often shows up as having a hard time acknowledging what you have accomplished. Instead of taking time to celebrate the hard work you’ve done to get you where you are today, you project into the future and think about the imagined goalposts of where you “should” be.
“Confidence and self-doubt coexist,” Kernig explained. “When we look to others, it’s easy to fall into the trap of only seeing their confidences and successes.”
“I used to think that having confidence meant we have it all figured out, that there is no more doubt,” she shared, before explaining why that thought process was actually incorrect. “Confidence doesn’t mean you have it all figured out; it’s trusting that you can.”
You won't always feel self-assured and confident, and that's okay. Learning how to trust yourself and trust that the decisions you make are right for you is the first step to overcoming self-doubt, but you shouldn't feel like you aren't growing as a person if you aren't always confident and self-assured.
Kernig made a valuable point in noting that confidence and self-doubt can coexist. Holding space for that duality takes some pressure off ourselves to feel perfectly confident at all times. All people hold different measures of doubt and confidence; once we recognize that fact, we can ease into being our fullest selves.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers mental health, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
