20 Clear Signs You Lack Serious Emotional Intelligence

Photo: Kiselev Andrey Valerevich / Shutterstock
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There are those who think before they speak, remember birthdays, reach out to mend friendships, and do their best to bring out the best in others. You pity them.

While you think you're simply an iron fist in a free-hug world, there might be a deeper truth lurking behind what others see as thoughtless behavior. You might actually be an emotional moron.

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Here are 20 signs you lack emotional intelligence:

1. You think everyone is in a constant state of overreaction

Whether it's your brother wondering why you didn't call to let him know you'd be returning his car three hours late, your new guy "freaking out" over the small lie you've told, or your new girlfriend being upset about new information you avoided mentioning, you tend to find that people are constantly losing it over what you deem as "the small stuff."

2. Your fear of commitment is so severe, you can't make plans for Saturday night ... on a Thursday

You constantly use statements like "no pressure" and "we'll see" as a way to keep others from placing pressure on you. What's pressure? Anything you don't decide to do in real-time.

3. You respond to serious emotional queries with a line for whomever to stop "overthinking"

This is your go-to line in order to slip out of any conversation that makes you uncomfortable (and works especially well to keep those you're on the fence about, on their toes).

4. People have called you "passive-aggressive", "Insensitive", "unsupportive" and "clueless"

And they've called you this a lot.

5. You do things that make people question your loyalty

So what if your friend hooked up with that guy last summer? They were never exclusive. Why is she so mad? People need to get over it.

6. The term "I'm sorry you feel that way" is used more often than "I'm sorry"

This lovely passive-aggressive statement is a favorite amongst those who lack emotional intelligence. Not only does it allow them to take zero accountability for their actions, but also the hostility it implies. If you're someone who says "I'm sorry" just to get out of things, well, you're awful.

7. You take forever to pay people back

It legitimately never occurred to you to pay back the money you borrowed from your pregnant sister before booking that 5-star vacation. It's all about that work-and-play balance, yo.

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8. You run out to get gifts and cards for people on the way to an event

Or worse, you give an IOU or fill out the card as they wait in the other room. Life is busy. Your mom waited nine months for you to be born, so she can wait an extra day for her birthday card, right?

9. You have no filter

You feel it's not only your right, but your duty, to share whatever you feel like sharing, in any way you feel like sharing it, and at any time. Your bull-in-a-china-shop statements often leave people speechless or very upset.

10. You equate "honesty" with "brutality"

And you don't understand why this is on this list.

11. You find that people in your life blow up in frustration at you

And they use terms like "That's it; I'm done," "You don't get it," and, "You'll never change."

12. You make digs as "jokes" under the guise you're being sarcastic

Nope, you're just a d*ck.

13. You have NO sense of what it means to be supportive

When someone calls to tell you something upsetting, you respond with statements that either devalue their feelings or make them feel worse. Your best friend's engagement was just called off and you tell her she will save money on her wedding. Your co-worker gets fired and you remind them of the times they screwed up...

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14. You don't have time for people who "whine"

You know, about things like job loss, divorce, or being afraid of a health issue.

15. Stonewalling is your favorite vice

Having an adult conversation with someone with whom you've had a disagreement is so terrifying to you that you'd rather delete their number and ignore them for life than actually discuss and work things out.

16. When someone says, "You've hurt me," you hear, "It's all your fault," and react with defensiveness

Hey, it's not your fault they're so sensitive.

17. There's no right or wrong

There's your correct opinion, and everyone else's inability to comprehend.

18. You see "reaching out" as a sign of weakness

You let good relationships fade instead of picking up the phone. And when someone texts you post-disagreement, you're not relieved; you see it as an acquisition of power.

19. Your exes are constantly asking you for closure

You ghost people like it's your job. Hey, when you're done, you're done. 

20. You don't think Donald Trump is so bad

Have you seen what the guy has tweeted?

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Brenda Della Casa is the author of Cinderella Was a Liar, The Managing Editor of Preston Bailey and Gotham Bandit, A Huffington Post Blogger, and the founder of BDC Life In Style.