Bosses Who Are Mentally & Emotionally Cruel Usually Say 3 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Ivan S | Canva When we lose a job, we're often blindsided. It would be nice not to be caught off-guard so you can prepare, right? Well, Boston-based employment lawyer Craig Levey says that by simply listening carefully for casual phrases out of your boss's mouth, you can uncover your true status in the office.
Mentally & emotionally cruel bosses usually prefer you quit your job rather than firing you, of course, because it often means you can't draw unemployment benefits, of which they have to pay a portion. So, Levey says, they'll often drop subtle hints to sort of "inspire" you, if you will, to take a hike of your own volition.
Mentally and emotionally cruel bosses usually say these phrases in casual conversation:
1. 'Are you sure you're happy here?'
Maybe your emotionally cruel boss is just feeling unconfident about the business they've created and wants a little validation, right? Wrong (most likely anyway). They're trying to make you feel suspicious and doubt your own perception of things — or maybe even intimidate you into thinking the hammer is coming. Take it seriously, and polish up that resume!
2. 'Are you sure this position is a good fit for you?'
They're just trying to make sure you're happy so they don't lose you, right? Nope! If an employer truly values you, you'll know it — and it'll come in ways far less confusing than this type of comment.
The goal here is likely to get you to reconsider the job itself. You're being goaded into finding fault with the position and creating your own perception of unhappiness. Don't fall for all that, but start reaching out to your network about new opportunities because you can probably assume that your mentally & emotionally cruel boss is looking to make some cuts where you're concerned.
3. 'Maybe you would find another job more enjoyable?'
They're just trying to mentor you, right? Steer you towards the right path out of the goodness of their heart? LOL nah. This feels like the most passive-aggressive phrase of them all, and for good reason. It's like the kind of thing your meddling mother says about your clothes. "Maybe you'd like the black shoes better." Okay, thanks, Mom.
Regardless, this is yet another signal that either the bloom is off the rose with an emotionally cruel boss, and they want you gone, or perhaps there's a round of layoffs coming. Either way, it's time to start being proactive about that next chapter.
All of these casual phrases are designed to get you to question both yourself and your job. "All three questions are designed to make the employee think about getting a job elsewhere," Levey explained in his video. "The supervisor is putting it in their mind that resignation might be a good option and that they should try to find work in a different position."
However, it goes beyond merely a sort of personal insult. Levey says it's also a reflection on the employer if they use these tactics. "It shows that the company has chosen not to invest in them in the long term."
If you don't resign — and whether or not you should is a complicated question heavily dependent on circumstances, of course — Levey urges workers to expect the company to "start paving the way for your termination."
This can come in the form of bad evaluations, performance improvement plans, written warnings, negative meetings — basically anything that can establish a paper trail justifying their forthcoming termination.
That documentation is vitally important for you, too, especially if you feel like your termination is wrongful. An attorney like Levey will need all the documentation they can get to build your case, so be sure you're doing your own documentation as well.
Then, look to that next future chapter. It'll probably be a lot better than having a mentally & emotionally cruel boss like this.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
