Attorney Shares 4 Ways To Get Revenge On Someone Who Wronged You — Without Getting Into Trouble
Put your enemies in their place without going to jail? That's a win-win.
Andrii Iemelianenko / Shutterstock Most of us have fantasized about getting revenge on someone at one point or another. Most of us have also always had a lifelong goal to stay out of jail. Unfortunately, these two aspirations are at cross purposes.
Or are they? A lawyer on TikTok says they might not be, and she shared some ideas in a hilarious series of videos we all might want to make a note of.
The attorney shared 4 ways to get revenge without getting into legal trouble:
To err is human, to forgive divine, and blah blah, but sometimes the only thing that satisfies is getting even with the coworkers and bosses and especially the exes who do you wrong. Sometimes the only path to forgiveness runs through seething vengeance. That's just life!
And TikToker @whattheish, a lawyer, has some great ideas. Now, first things first: she "strongly recommend[s] against you doing any of the things," she suggests, and TikTok content from a lawyer does not constitute legal advice, nor does reporting on it on a website. So, if you try any of these tips and end up prostrate before a judge, that's on you!
All that said, @whattheish has some pretty terrific ways to get the satisfaction of a settled score without ending up in the clink.
1. A box full of hissing cockroaches
"Today's episode has brought you courtesy of Amazon because they sell some really weird [stuff]," the lawyer joked in her video — and that includes "live hissing cockroaches… in sets of 2, 5, 15, 30, or 50."
You can probably guess where this is going — she went on to point out that Amazon never puts receipts in boxes. "So if you sent a package delivered to their home address with their name on it, it's remarkably hard to tell who that package came from."
So when that nasty co-worker of yours who won't mind their business and throws you under the bus at every opportunity opens up the box, thinking it's their new socks or whatever, and instead, it is a box full of one of nature's greatest horrors, perfect! Just use a burner email address for obvious reasons.
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2. Cake your ex's car
"This one's for the girls and the gays and the theys and everyone in-between who've just gone through a breakup, who are down bad, who are furious," the lawyer said in a video about her next revenge trick. Who among us hasn't wanted to get revenge on an ex?
What you're going to do is buy him a cake — but this isn't just any cake. This is a vandalism cake. A cake for vandalism!
Basically, you go to the grocery store, buy as many cakes as the job requires, head over to his house, and smash those cakes all over his car. "Get out all of your aggression all over his precious baby," she said. Key to the process, she said, is getting some on the windshield so that he turns on the wipers and smears it everywhere. Ruin his day!
Then, laugh yourself to sleep with the mental image of him confusedly realizing his car is positively coated in a genoise sponge and Italian buttercream. Or, you know, whatever garbage they have on sale at the Kroger. Either way!
"Cake a man's car," she said. "It's confusing, it's hilarious, and it's cathartic as [heck]!" And it won't land you in court like Carrie Underwood's famous vehicular revenge suggestions. Win-win!
3. Steal his underwear
OK, stealing is technically a crime so, you know, grain of salt, and you never heard any of this from this TikToker or this website if anyone asks. SNITCHES GET STITCHES.
However, this revenge tactic, also for a no-good, low-down dirty dog of a boyfriend is a "silly enough" idea that "if your ex calls the cops on you for doing any of these things, he's a [expletive that rhymes with 'witch']." And that's satisfaction enough!
This one came from a friend of the lawyer's grandmother, who slowly hid her husband's underwear piece by piece because she knew he was cheating. When he asked where his undergarments were, she simply replied, "Maybe it's at your other girl's house." Then, when they divorced, she handed him a suitcase full of skivvies.
"She drove this man insane and just gaslit him for years, and then was like, here you go, [aforementioned expletive]," the lawyer said, adding that you can also slowly shrink all his clothes over time to make him think he's losing it. Why fight him when you can just slowly break him as he descends into insanity? Two can play at the gaslighting game, babe.
4. Send them a box of live baby chickens
This is in the vein of number one, but cuter and infinitely better! The lawyer explained that some internet research revealed that you can purchase whole boxes of live baby chicks to feed to animals like pet pythons, a definition of the word "pet" that would not even exist in a functioning society (we simply must do something about the state of Florida).
But anyway, as she explained, something like a glitter bomb or a bag of excrement can just be thrown in the garbage. But anyone who's not a sociopath or a python owner (same difference) isn't going to throw a box of adorable baby chickens in the garbage!
They'll have to figure out what to do with them, and in the meantime, they're going to have to clean up so much chicken poop it's unreal.
"It's the gift that keeps on giving," the lawyer said. "Every single day, you're inconveniencing the living [expletive] out of them." And when it comes to vengeance, you can't really do better than that.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.