The Art Of Being Heard: 3 Smart Ways To Handle People Who Talk Too Much
How to politely stop someone from droning on.
Chris | Unsplash There is nothing worse than interacting with a conversational narcissist, a person who loves to make it all about them and has no interest in hearing about the happenings of your life. Their way of socializing can be a result of their own smug nature, they could be attempting to manipulate you, or they simply couldn’t care less about what you have to say.
Trying to end that toxic conversation can be as hard as playing double-dutch, looking for the perfect place to exit smoothly. But once you are aware that the conversation has run its course and that there is nothing more to be gained, there are ways of leaving the interaction respectfully.
TikToker and lawyer Jefferson Fisher shared three ways he had come up with for handling people who take over the conversation. He starts by saying, “When a person starts to dominate or monopolize the conversation, it’s no longer a conversation, but a monologue, and I didn’t buy a ticket to hear it.” He then goes on to lay out a few good tips for ending those awkward conversations.
Here are 3 smart ways to handle people who talk too much:
1. Interrupt them
The first way Fisher gives viewers for getting out of conversations with people who try to verbally dominate is to simply interrupt them. According to Fisher, “This is one of the few exceptions where interrupting is a must, because if they’re not going to value your time, it’s your job to protect it.”
If you choose to deal with it in this manner, you just use their name to get their attention and don’t even have to wait for a break in the conversation. Start by saying the name low and progress to a higher volume until you get their attention, causing them to take pause.
Psychotherapist Matt Cartwright explains that when someone repeatedly hijacks conversations by interjecting their own thoughts without letting others finish, it damages relationships and creates "an underlying sense of being disrespected and of not being heard or understood." As Cartwright notes, "Interrupting is a connection-killer," but developing skills to "handle an interrupter and stand your ground" is essential for maintaining healthy communication boundaries.
2. Filter and pass
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Once you have successfully stopped them from talking, you are going to "filter and pass." This means you repeat what they said to you back to them. This tells them that they have been heard and understood.
From there, you ask for another person’s opinion, giving them a chance to talk, and subtly tell Mr. or Mrs. Motormouth to be quiet. Alternatively, you can offer your opinion to close the loop on the subject being discussed.
The "filter and pass" technique builds on the power of paraphrasing, which provides a summary of what's been said and proves you're on the same page with the speaker, according to Dr. Ruth Schimel, a career and life management consultant.
By then passing the conversation to another person or offering your own concluding thoughts, you're not only validating the excessive talker's contribution but also subtly establishing boundaries and ensuring everyone gets a chance to participate in the discussion.
3. Put a time limit on it
If you’ve done all that and they still insist on commanding the conversation, give them a time limit. In the example given by Fisher, he says, “Hey, David. I got like two minutes and then I gotta bounce and knock some stuff out.”
No matter how much time you give, you must stick to your guns and leave when time is up since you’ve already set that expectation. There are so many reasons a person might take over a conversation. Most are social and include things like "feeling important" or "branding" oneself by standing out.
Studies demonstrate that individuals with clear personal boundaries experience less burnout and psychological distress and are better equipped to manage interpersonal conflicts. No matter how much time you give, you must stick to your guns and leave when time is up since you've already set that expectation. Conversations should be a time of give and take where stories, ideas, and good vibes are transferred back and forth.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
