People Who Know The Right Therapy Words But Still Don't Change Usually Have 5 Counterproductive Habits

Therapy terms have become very popular in recent years. Words like boundaries and gaslighting are important to understand in relationships with other people, but they can easily be misused. People who use these kinds of therapy words may have a basic understanding of the terms, but not how to use them either accurately or kindly. Instead, they have a few bad habits that lead them to wield them as weapons meant to hurt or control other people.

5 counter-productive habits people who know therapy words but still don’t change tend to have:

1. Intellectualizing away pain

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Knowing and understanding why you are experiencing a certain emotion or problem is an important step in addressing and overcoming it. But intellectualizing or analyzing a feeling instead of sitting with it can be used as a defense mechanism.

Treating emotions like they're something that needs to be solved rather than felt can cause people to feel disconnected from themselves and those around them. Sitting with hard emotions is difficult, but it is necessary for healing. You cannot reason with your feelings. Emotions need to be acknowledged and processed, or they will continue to resurface.

RELATED: People Who Are Totally Out Of Touch With Their Emotions Usually Do 6 Things

2. Using boundaries as a control tactic

Many people have heard about boundaries before, but most don’t know what they are. Boundaries are limits we set to protect ourselves that are based on what we will or will not accept in our relationships. An example of a healthy boundary could be telling your family members that you don’t like comments about your appearance. If that boundary is crossed, you will change your own behavior around them, possibly ending conversations abruptly or leaving the room.

Boundaries can turn into a control tactic when they shift to telling people what you want or don’t want them to do. For example, you might tell your partner you don’t like them spending time with a certain friend or relative. True boundaries focus on your own actions, while control focuses on managing the behavior of others.

RELATED: 10 Helpful Words People Learn In Therapy That Actually Backfire When Used Too Often

3. Using big therapy words to win arguments

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Disagreements and arguments are normal and expected in relationships. Sometimes you may have different opinions on a topic and need to discuss it. But when conversations become heated, some people may use therapy words as a weapon.

Using terms like projection or gaslighting can quickly derail a constructive conversation since the therapy terms are being used as a way to attack the person rather than help them recognize their behavior. It may make the person feel insightful and like they won, but it does little to benefit the relationship. Honest communication requires focusing on understanding the other person rather than trying to be proven right.

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4. Treating therapy as a venting session

Attending therapy regularly is a good way to manage mental health, but treating it as a venting session will only make people continue to feel stuck. Therapy can be a place where you talk about your week and the issues that surfaced during it. However, if every session becomes dedicated to airing out your grievances, it stops being about examining your own behavior and any underlying issues.

Therapy is a space where you can uncover issues that are affecting your life and address them safely. It’s about progress and moving forward to become the best version of yourself.  Without taking action to change your behavior or reaction to certain things, therapy becomes an expensive routine that keeps you right where you’re at.

5. Using trauma as an identity

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When traumatic events happen in our lives, they can affect our well-being. This is why it’s important to recognize it and take the steps needed to heal. Still, there’s a common trap that people fall into when they start to use therapy talk to adopt their trauma as a part of their identity.

Being able to name and validate your trauma is a crucial step, but clinging to it may be a defense mechanism to avoid taking responsibility for your healing. True growth and healing require moving past seeing yourself as a victim and not letting your past control your future.

RELATED: People With Complicated Minds & Troubled Souls Usually Have 9 Habits That Make Life Hard

Aricka Croxton is a writer with a Bachelor’s Degree in Creative Writing from the University of Michigan who covers relationships, self-help, and wellness.