Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents Often End Up With 1 Of 5 Kinds Of Romantic Partners
carballo | Shutterstock Growing up with emotionally immature parents is difficult for children, and can affect their relationships in adulthood.
They may look for romantic partners who mirror their parents' behavior, usually without realizing it. Unfortunately, it makes them vulnerable to not so great partners who make them feel unsafe, just like they did as kids.
5 types of romantic partners people end up with when they had emotionally immature parents
1. Someone who's pretty darn controlling
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Controlling partners can feel safe to someone who was raised around emotionally immature parents. To them, it seems like their partner is taking care of them despite actually being overbearing.
Growing up, they didn't feel taken care of because their parents neglected their needs. So, when someone controlling comes into their life, they suddenly think they're being nurtured. But it's a completely toxic dynamic
According to psychotherapist Angela Ficken, controlling relationships "involve one person exerting excessive control over the other's thoughts, actions or decisions. They may manipulate, intimidate or isolate their partner, leading to a loss of individuality and freedom."
While it might seem like they have someone in their corner, their partner's intentions are not good.
2. A person who is emotionally neglectful
For a person raised by emotionally immature parents, they were used to dealing with things on their own. Their parents were dismissive of their needs and had nonexistent boundaries.
As adults, they find neglectful partners because it's familiar. While familiarity is something we all crave in relationships, it's not a replacement for actual safety.
Kids who grew up in this environment tend to become adults with anxious attachment styles. They have trouble asking for help from their partner, and feel uncertain that their needs are even being met. But they may continue to stay in this toxic dynamic or seek out partners just like this.
3. Someone who belittles them
Emotionally immature parents may shame or guilt their kids into getting their own way. They put their kids down to make themselves feel better. Once those kids grow up, they turn into adults who are used to dealing with criticism for anything they do.
It feels normal to them as adults, and a toxic partner like this is one they unconsciously find. When their partner calls them names or makes fun of their choices, it doesn't feel good deep down, but it's what they're accustomed to.
Unfortunately, as relationship coach Christiana Njoku explained, "A person may often use belittling comments to manipulate the other one into making them more dependable on someone so that the person loses confidence." At the end of the day, someone who had immature parents growing up already has low self-esteem, and this just makes it even worse.
4. A person who shifts blame and has a tendency to stonewall
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Being blamed for something you didn't do is frustrating and completely unfair. But along with being blamed, when the accuser stonewalls you as punishment, it feels even more devastating.
Blaming and stonewalling are classic manipulation tactics used by toxic people. They want to rewrite history, and to do so, someone has to take the fall, but it's never going to be them.
For a person with emotionally immature parents, they were constantly blamed as kids. Their parents regularly ignored their feelings, and when they expressed themselves, they were quick to pass blame. When they didn't like a response from their child, they stonewalled them and refused to speak to them.
Because they expected their parents to always play the victim and never take responsibility, having a partner who does the same thing is just normal.
5. A romantic partner who often creates an unsafe environment
Unsafe environments are where one partner has to tip-toe around the other and walk on eggshells. It's extremely toxic because one wrong move and someone is going to explode, making their partner feel like they're in danger.
The signs of a toxic relationship may not feel obvious at first, but having to be careful when their partner is in a bad mood just isn't normal. For kids brought up in environments similar to this, they're very familiar with emotional dysregulation. So, having a partner make them feel unsafe at home is just something that happens, not something that should concern them.
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture topics, with a master's in Literature and Culture, a bachelor's in English Literary and Textual Studies. Lyss has over six years of writing and social media experience.
