Women With Overly-Tolerant Tendencies Usually Say 6 Phrases When A Man Treats Them Badly
Nebojsa Tatomirov / Shutterstock Overly tolerant people tend to accept bad behavior from others to the point that it harms them. Some women put themselves second to a partner, and then one day wake up and realize it's gone too far.
After spending so much time catering to our partner's needs and forgiving his bad behavior, many women will frequently hear themselves saying the same thing over and over again to explain it all away.
Women who tolerate too much often say these things when a man treats them bad:
1. "He's just under a lot of stress right now"
The excuses are never-ending. We believe what we want to believe instead of looking at the cold, hard facts. Dr. Elizabeth A. Segal, PhD, explains that tolerance gets tricky when we start ignoring our core values to put up with the status quo. “We might use the phrase 'agreeing to disagree' when we tolerate conflicting opinions rather than call people out on prejudiced or biased thinking. In these situations, we can have too much tolerance,” she says.
This is true in relationships, too. We constantly make excuses for bad behavior instead of calling it out for what it is. Sometimes, it's just easier that way.
2. "It’s just the way he was raised"
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Yes, childhood trauma is real and can very much impact the way a man treats the woman in his life. However, it doesn’t mean she has to make excuses for him or allow his mistreatment of her to continue.
Women have a tendency to apologize more often than men because they have a "higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior,” according to researchers Karina Schumann and Michael Ross. This is typically learned conditioning that a woman may not be aware of or think she has the ability to change. In truth, once she recognizes what is happening, she can absolutely understand the explanation behind his poor treatment of her without allowing that to serve as an excuse to let it continue.
3. "He doesn’t really mean it, he just has a bad temper"
This excuse separates the action from the person, which overly tolerant women like to do in order to make things seem OK. Jason Whiting, Ph.D., explains that rationalizing a man's behavior like this actually perpetuates a lie, because doing so makes it seem like it's perfectly reasonable to behave in such a selfish manner.
When women try to rationalize a man's toxic behavior, all they are really doing is covering for him in a way that serves absolutely no one at all.
4. "Every couple goes through this"
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It's true that every couple has their ups and downs. No relationship is perfect, and you can't expect to agree on every little thing all of the time, so sometimes you'll probably argue. That being said, if a man treats you badly more often than he treats you well, it may be time to evaluate whether or not you are being honest with yourself about how normal or OK that is.
Many women downplay the issue at hand in order to keep the peace, and comparing her and the man in her life to other couples is one way to do this. The thing is, the peace isn't likely to last for long when he is well aware that it is perfectly acceptable for him to keep doing the same thing over and over again because you won't walk away.
5. "He’s actually a really good guy deep down"
One reason women can tolerate more than they should is that they don’t want to be embarrassed by their partners in front of other people. For example, if a woman is getting brunch with her girlfriends who are all in relationships, they probably don’t want to go into details about all the ways their partner is hurting them.
Instead, they will just brush it off by saying something about what a good guy he really is deep, deep, deep down inside. That may be true, but if no one ever gets to see that deep inside the well of his soul, it doesn't really matter all that much.
6. "If I change myself, he’ll fix his behavior"
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It’s common for overly tolerant women to feel like they are the issue. When a woman puts up with more than she should, men know they can get away with not being a good partner, and they will take advantage of that.
Unfortunately, this happens all the time. That is why it is important for women to know their self-worth and what they should or shouldn't accept in a relationship.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English who covers self-help, relationship, and human interest topics.
