Kind People Who Cut Off Bad Friends Usually Refuse To Put Up With 8 Normalized Behaviors
Danila Perevoshchikov | Pexels Like nutrition or emotional reflection, adult friendships are crucial for our well-being.
When they're good, they can transform our reality. But when bad, they become taxing. That's exactly why kind people, at risk for compassion burnout, who cut off bad friends refuse to tolerate certain behaviors we've collectively normalized.
Kind people who cut off bad friends refuse to tolerate these normalized behaviors
1. Someone consistently canceling plans
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We have to inconvenience ourselves to form and maintain community, and if a friend is consistently canceling plans and falling short on commitments, they probably don't care to invest in the relationship. There are circumstances where someone might be struggling and these self-isolating behaviors are a cry for help, but in most cases it's disengagement.
If they lie when canceling plans trying to justify their behavior, that can be destructive. While it's easy to give grace to a kind person who wants to comfort others, at some point they have to protect their time and effort.
2. Unsolicited advice
When we get unsolicited advice when we're just trying to express our emotions, it can feel invalidating and intrusive. Even from close friends and family, unwanted advice creates tension and resentment over time, especially when someone continues to offer it after we've simply asked for support.
In our friendships, we should have a space to feel validated and supported. That's not to say that having a friend who wants to fix your pain and make you feel better is a bad thing. But if someone offers advice you never asked for, it's creating tension that's hard to overcome.
3. Being the therapist friend
For kind and empathetic people, it's easy to adopt the role of the therapist friend in relationships. Sometimes, having the emotional intelligence to help your friends is great, but if they don't have the same tools to help you feel supported, it can become overwhelming.
They can't always be there for everyone else without putting their own well-being on the chopping block. It's normalized to some extent to take on this role and to joke about it casually, but self-respecting people cut off bad friends who consistently take advantage of them in this way.
4. Cruelty disguised as brutal honesty
When someone needs a loophole to justify mean comments and cruelty instead of just apologizing, that's a red flag that they're a bad friend. We've normalized people saying they're just being honest and making excuses for all kinds of sarcastic comments, but that doesn't mean a good friend says these things.
The people you're supposed to trust and love shouldn't have to justify being heartless, because they should never have this behavior to justify. It's easy for kind people to protect the peace by allowing these justifications, but it's powerful to cut them off in the name of their own well-being.
5. Someone expecting constant access
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Friends who expect constant access aren't interested in healthy boundaries, whether it's expecting an instant text reply or answering the phone at all hours. They're often operating from a place of entitlement, where their own comfort is more important than showing up healthily for others.
We've normalized dependent relationships and constant access through technology, but kind people are still careful about protecting their energy. They may even cut someone off for acting entitled.
6. Gossip
In a culture where people are desperate to be interesting, gossip is normalized, even if that only comes from knowing rumors and secrets about everyone else. That doesn't mean that people have to tolerate bad friends talking behind their back.
In the right settings and conversations, gossiping can be bonding. But usually, it's just breaking apart bonds and sabotaging the trust we need in our closest relationships.
7. Competing with each other
By competing with our friends, we create a foundation of jealousy that harms everyone involved. Yes, there's a healthy threshold for competition that can motivate and empower friends. But we're just carrying quiet resentment and tension most of the time.
For a kind, empathetic person whose energy is already vulnerable to being drained, it's essential for them to cut off bad friends. They shouldn't have to beg to be celebrated by someone who wishes the worst for them behind closed doors. In fact, they shouldn't have to waste their energy on them at all.
8. Staying stagnant to comfort others
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Our friends should empower us to be the best version of ourselves. The best ones grow with us, and, at the very least, accept when they've grown apart with grace.
We've normalized stagnancy in so many parts of our lives. We've turned outgrowing friendships into a disaster, even though it's a natural part of life.
Kind people who leave friendships often do so because they feel bad for changing. They refuse to be pulled down by someone who won't grow through discomfort. Instead, they choose themselves.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
