People Who Are Emotionally Unreliable Usually Do 7 Small Things Before Flaking On Plans
Vodafone x Rankin everyone.connected | Pexels Everyone has those days when they need time to themselves and cancel plans last minute.
But you don't want to be known as the flaky friend. These people waste others' time, and because they're so emotionally unreliable, it's common for them to cancel at the last minute. Every time they're about to tell their friends they can't come, they'll do these small things instead.
Emotionally unreliable people do these small things before canceling plans
1. Talk about how they're hurting
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Friends are supposed to be able to rely on each other. But some friendships can become toxic when one friend puts all their problems on the other person, without caring about the emotional burden.
They won't listen when their friend needs help. All they can do is focus on their own needs. They show just how emotionally unreliable they are by talking about their problems, while neglecting those of their supposedly close friend.
Before they cancel plans, they'll explain that they're too hurt or burned out to be supportive. They'll flake on the plans they made to listen and prioritize their own comfort instead.
2. Complain about how messy their room is
If you've got plans with a friend and are getting ready to go meet them, they'll pull out every excuse in the book when they're emotionally unreliable.
Flaky friends will text you about how messy their room is or about how they need to clean up their kitchen. They'll mention how they're going to handle it quickly and then leave their house to meet up. But they're not planning on following through with it.
They're mentioning another task to plant the seed they're planning to cancel. They'll end up telling you they need to finish what they're doing and have to reschedule. But even when they make another plan, they won't show up to that either.
3. Start yawning
Emotionally unreliable people will show how unenthusiastic they are about plans before they even cancel. They'll yawn or talk about how tired they are. They'll use this as an excuse to get out of whatever plans were made.
Unfortunately, as clinical psychotherapist Padraic Gibson explained, there are consequences to lying. Regardless of the reasons behind the lie, it can decrease self-esteem and increase negative emotions.
So, when someone is trying to hint that they don't have the energy to spend time with others, they're not being honest. They're just trying to come up with a valid excuse, making it seem like they want to go but are too tired.
4. Talk about how excited they are to watch their show
Emotionally unreliable people only ever want to do what they want. They're always thinking about the best option for themselves, and when they think of it, they're going to make sure they're able to do it.
These kinds of people don't care about hurting their friends' feelings for flaking. Making themselves happy is their top and only priority.
If they start talking about a show they're excited to watch when they get home, they're going to flake out. They're already thinking of the next best thing, and their emotional unavailability doesn't let them see how much they're hurting people.
5. Have disengaged body language
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Body language is a great way to tell how someone is feeling. If they're smiling a lot and standing close to others, they're probably enjoying hanging out with them. On the other hand, as a study published in Behavior Sciences explained, closed off body language indicates disinterest.
They don't want to be there. They'll cross their arms or angle their body away from you. They might also struggle to maintain eye contact and constantly look at the door.
It's probably not even intentional. Our moods heavily affect the way we physically show up around others. If they want to flake, their body language won't be able to hide the fact that they're about to cancel.
6. Change plans suddenly
Emotionally unreliable people aren't willing to deal with the fallout of straight-up telling their friends they don't want to go to whatever plans they made. That would be too much mental work for them.
They've already shown they don't want to put in the effort to maintain the relationship, and won't do the work to be more open. Instead, they'll start adjusting the plan to get the other person to cancel.
They'll suggest another place to go, usually somewhere the other person doesn't like. They'll push the time back so often that the other person gets frustrated and gives up. In the end, the emotionally unreliable person gets to avoid any accountability.
7. Give short replies
When an emotionally unreliable person starts to give short replies, that's a sign they don't want to hang out and are planning to flake out on whatever plans they made. They'll start giving one-word answers and seem uninterested in the conversation.
Short replies don't keep a conversation going. They know that, and they're using it to make it seem like the two of them have nothing to talk about. That way, their friend won't be disappointed when they end up canceling. They also don't have anything more to say because they don't want to stick to the plan.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
