Kids Who Grew Up In A Household With No Privacy Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock Some parents believe that children shouldn’t have any privacy. Unfortunately, kids who can't even keep a diary away from prying eyes develop habits that don't simply disappear once they move out and become adults.
Often, parents rationalize this lack of privacy as a form of love and concern. They want to keep their kids safe in a dangerous and unpredictable world. However, helicopter parenting may be doing more harm than good. As they grow up, they may feel like they have to look over their shoulder at all times, or can’t trust anyone around them. A lack of privacy can be surprisingly disruptive in adulthood.
Habits kids who weren't given any privacy by their parents carry into adulthood:
1. They’re constantly looking over their shoulder
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As children, they were always being supervised. They felt their parents' eyes glued to them and struggled to make decisions for themselves. Their parents were there to guide them through everything and were watching their every move. Now that they’re adults and live on their own, they may still find themselves constantly looking over their shoulder.
They don't trust themselves, but they also don't trust other people, either. That can seriously mess with their relationships. Having their parents directly attack their privacy made them paranoid that everyone around them is listening and watching their every move.
2. They struggle to set boundaries
Boundaries were likely nonexistent in their childhood homes. They weren’t allowed to tell their parents what they wanted or needed because they were not in control of their lives. Generational boundaries can set kids up for success, but when they are absent, they often feel like they have to take on too much responsibility. They were also expected to do whatever their parents asked without question. They lost the ability to be independent.
As adults, they will still struggle to set boundaries with their parents. This might lead them to feel suffocated by their constant phone calls and opinions. Placing boundaries in romantic and personal relationships is also difficult for them because they were never able to enforce them before.
3. They are homebodies
Growing up, my bedroom was my sanctuary. I loved having a space to myself that I could decorate and fill with things I love. Sadly, not everyone grew up with the same opportunity.
Once privacy-deprived kids move out, they might become homebodies. Being at home as they were growing up might have been uncomfortable. Now, they can finally relax.
Being alone helps them feel less stressed. Being around people who never respected their space likely left them on edge. Now that they control their own environment, it can be hard to leave the safe space they curated.
4. They keep secrets
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Overprotective parents raise liars, and they may not realize it. A lack of privacy can make them feel pressured to protect themselves. If they do something they think may get them in trouble, they often default to saying whatever would keep them from being punished.
Sadly, they may not grow out of that habit. They default to keeping secrets because they fear how others perceive them. Their parents were constantly watching them, and if they took a misstep, they had to cover their tracks. They often feel like they have to take this same approach in their adult relationships.
5. They always over-explain their decisions
Over-explaining is a defense mechanism. Someone who feels pressured will try to run through their entire thought process to support their decision-making skills. Growing up, they were under a microscope, being watched and judged for everything. This creates over-explainers who feel they need approval from everyone in their lives.
Growing up in a household with no privacy, conversations were likely unhealthy. They may have felt like they had to explain everything to convince their parents that their behavior was okay. It becomes a habit they are deeply involved in, and it’s hard to shake as adults.
6. They have trust issues
Trust issues can be directly tied to childhood trauma. You might think trauma is a big word to use for a lack of privacy, but it’s true. It can be traumatizing to be treated like you don’t have personal space or the ability to think for yourself. As a result, some people develop trust issues that bleed into adulthood.
We depend on our parents to be successful caretakers. When they are more focused on watching our every move, doing what is best for us may become less important. They want to ensure their children are living up to their standards, and a lack of privacy allows them to observe their every move. If they couldn’t trust their parents, how can they assume anyone has their best interests at heart?
7. They hate being watched
Have you been at a store and noticed an employee watching your every move? Or at a coffee shop and being stared at by a group of strangers? This not only feels awkward, but it also comes across as disrespectful. Growing up without privacy is exactly the same as constant observation, with no real explanation for why. They believed they weren’t entitled to it.
In adulthood, being watched can bring anxiety. It can make them feel judged or observed because they’re doing something wrong. We may not realize how much our parents’ behavior during childhood can negatively impact our adult lives through the habits we adopt after stressful moments. They’re left feeling constantly under surveillance, even when they are not.
8. They always have their guard up
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People who grow up in a stressful or traumatic environment are more likely to be guarded with others, especially when they feel stressed and overwhelmed. They assume everyone is judging them the way their parents did. They were always being watched, and that can make them feel like they have to keep their cards close to their chest. They don’t know how to open up without fearing how someone will react.
This type of person is vigilant. They were always afraid their parents would hear certain things or watch their every move, leading to punishments. Now they worry that everyone else in their life has the same mindset.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
