People Who Find It Way More Difficult To Make Small Talk Than Have Deep Conversations Usually Share 8 Rare Traits
cottonbro studio | Pexels Social connections are the heartbeat of our human experience. Even one-off deep conversations can make us instantly happier.
Working up the courage to be vulnerable and add depth to interactions is hard for those looking for a connection. But there are also people who find it difficult to make small talk than to dive deeper and express their emotions. They often share certain rare traits, because they're wired for depth instead of superficiality.
Rare traits of people who find it difficult to make small talk than have deep conversations
1. They're open-minded
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Being comfortable with the uncertainty of something new or being willing to step out of your comfort zone are things that most people struggle with. It's easier to stay stuck and to remain closed-minded in order to cope with a fear of failure or rejection, even if it has negative effects on their own personal growth.
Rare people are open-minded and curious about new things. It's part of what allows them to engage in deep conversations, instead of staying in the confines of superficial, comfortable small talk.
They find asking questions and getting to know people on a deeper level a lot easier than trying to stick to a script that suppresses curiosity and learning.
2. They're earnest and honest
For people who struggle to get to the heart of their own emotions and express how they really feel, small talk can be a protective shield. If they stick to surface-level conversations, they can avoid addressing and facing topics of conversation that make them feel out of control or uncomfortable.
But for an honest and emotionally secure person, speaking about emotions and diving deeper feels meaningful. It's not always easy, but they gain a lot more from it than small talk.
It allows them to connect with people and resolve conflicts. They can speak on the kinds of topics that actually bring purpose to social connections, instead of letting them exist as conveniences.
3. They're active listeners
When someone believes that you're actively listening, it sparks the reward center in their brain that makes them feel heard and safe. The more someone trusts you as a conversation partner, the more likely they are to open up and ditch the small talk for vulnerability.
That's part of why these kinds of people prefer deep conversations over small talk: they have the tools necessary to keep a conversation going and to allow people to open up. Rather than waiting for their turn to talk or steal the spotlight, they ask thoughtful questions and create safe spaces for the people around them.
When you're an active listener, small talk can feel like pulling teeth. There's not a lot of content or depth there for them to embrace or follow up on, leading to one-liners and fake questions that leave everyone feeling tired.
4. They reflect on themselves and others
When you're a truly reflective, self-aware person, small talk feels draining pretty quickly. People like this are naturally creative, curious people, but when confined to small talk, they don't have a lot of space to exercise those special traits.
They experience more joy and meaning when they're putting effort into anything, especially conversations with other people. They enjoy reflecting on their emotions and understanding why people think the way they do. They ask questions that bring depth, rather than discomfort and superficiality.
5. They're introverted intuitives
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Introverted intuitives are socially aware, with a blend of emotional intelligence and curiosity that informs all of their interactions. They're easily drained and frustrated by small talk because it limits their ability to really get to know someone, even when they're already sensing a deeper social energy or interest.
They can sense when they'll get along with someone early on, and get a small taste of the deeper connections and conversations they yearn for, but don't always have the permission right away to ask vulnerable questions or share deeper emotions themselves.
6. They're tapped into nuanced social energy
Compared to the average person who's relatively self-involved and caught up in their own minds, people with more social awareness and intuition tend to be quickly drained by small talk. They're constantly reading into and absorbing other people's energy, and during small talk or with people they don't know well, this can end up being exhausting.
It's more difficult to engage in small talk because they're sensing things and reading into small nonverbal messages that yearn to inform deeper conversations that can't always happen.
7. They're truly authentic
Authentic people, despite being celebrated in theory, often struggle with being misunderstood in most social interactions. They're drawn to the people meant for them by being their truest selves.
But sometimes, around the wrong people or in the wrong settings, small talk with people they don't mesh with can be painful. They're not willing to change themselves or be smaller for anyone else's comfort, and that can make small talk feel unbearable.
8. They have deep-thinking minds
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When your brain is constantly making room for curious thoughts or connecting the dots between what someone's saying and another experience, it's hard to stick to small talk.
That's why the most intelligent people with naturally deep-thinking minds often prefer deeper conversations, because they can ask questions and speak about things without trying to stick to a script.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
